Middle child syndrome

Just realised I've left the blog for more than half a year. So much has happened but no time to jot down. Baby R is turning one soon. He's grown so fast and is starting to become more interactive but this post is not about the baby, it's about my little girl L. Everyday seems to be a struggle with her - she just drives me up the wall. No matter how much I tell myself to be patient, I find myself yelling at her all the time.

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Found the above draft post from a year ago which somehow I did not finish writing and post. Fast forward one year and thinking back, I do feel a tinge of regret for being so harsh on L on her behaviour. She was only trying to adjust to having a little baby around and was vying hard for attention since we did not have a nanny to help out and I was always with baby R. She is now such a darling to R, who will be turning 2 soon.

I sometimes do feel for L, being the middle child. My attention is mostly with H and baby R. H, because he is school going, so I need to help him with his homework and make sure he goes to bed on time. Baby R, because he is at this clingy phase and clings to be like a koala bear whenever I am around. So that leaves me no time for L. My poor little L, I hope she doesn't think that mommy loves her less than kor kor and di di :-(

Occasionally, L will say that she wants to be a baby or she likes being a baby; sometimes she will say that she wished she was a boy! Sigh... what should I do?

Financial management for kids

I can't believe it's been 1.5 years since my last post. Baby R is turning 2 soon, and he's been such a joy to have around the house. This post is not about baby R, but what prompted me to write again is the need to jot down my thoughts on the very important life lesson of financial management.

It really is never too young to start teaching concepts of delayed gratification, savings and being prudent. Let me first start with this very light moment which we all found rather hilarious...

One Saturday morning we asked the kids if they would like to go out for breakfast with us (hubs and I normally like to eat out on weekends).
H: Then we'll have to spend money. Why can't we just eat at home?
L: OK kor you eat at home then, I'm going out with mommy & daddy!

Two kids raised in the same home, two very different perspective. H, always the prudent one; L on the other hand, can often time be demanding. We thought the above exchange was rather funny, nothing more.

But hilarious no more when I witnessed first hand the way kids these days spend money when I was given the opportunity to chaperon a bunch of kids in a school field trip recently. The kids were spending at the souvenir shop like there's no tomorrow, ravaging the shelves and filling their baskets with all kinds of toys, novelties, knick knacks, etc. I must say it was really a culture shock for me. How much money do these kids have with them? Do they really need all those stuff? They were mostly 7 to 8 year-olds and the way they were allowed to freely spend made me extremely worried. These kids are going to grow up not appreciating the value of hard earned money. I can appreciate that parents may want to shower their kids with what they want (we love our kids and we can afford to spend on them so what's wrong with that?!!), but aren't we just seeding a whole generation of entitled kids?

I remember a friend once complained to me that his teenage son demanded for a car to go to college, not just any car mind you, but an expensive sports car. We may put the blame on the kid for being materialistic, but frankly, my friend ought to take the blame too. If this boy has been given everything he wanted all his life without having to work hard for it, what can you expect? It is easy to indulge the younger kids as their demands aren't as "costly" (yet), but we are just setting ourselves up for larger and larger demands as they grow older.

I'm so glad H is still grounded. I say 'still', since he's in an environment whereby he sees his peers spending freely ever so often, and hope it stays this way. Quite often I find myself reminding my kids about how hard it is to earn a dollar, about needs vs. wants, about having to save for a rainy day, etc. I just pray and hope that they will remain grounded and not succumb to peer pressure.

teaching kids values (part 2)

One of the biggest arguments against sending kids to an international school is this whole thing about cultivating strong values. No doubt the school environment plays a part but I think the home environment plays a much bigger part. It is unfortunate that we don't spend enough time with the kids on weekdays. Hubs normally only comes home when the kids are already asleep. As for me, I try to get home as soon as I can. It helps now that my travelling time is shorter since we've moved closer to where we work, but still, by the time I finish dinner, it's almost time for the kids to get ready for bed. So at most, I only get to spend 1-1.5 hours with them before the lights go off.

H will always want to chit chat and I always feel bad that I have to cut our chit chat time cos he needs to get enough sleep.

H: Can we chit chat some more?
Me: Nope we can chit chat tomorrow, you need to sleep now!

As I close his room door I always feel guilty. What if he stops wanting to chit chat with his mommy? What if he thinks I don't care enough?

The saving grace is that we can chit chat in the car on the way to school. Hubs feels that we should get a transporter since the traffic getting out of H's school to work can be horrendous in the morning. On average, the travelling time from home to school to office is about 1.5 hours. But that will mean losing our precious chit chat time. I really don't mind the travelling time, at least it gives me time to talk to H. By understanding what went on during his day in school or at home (e.g. something someone said, or something someone did, or simply something he encountered, etc.), I'll be able to provide him with the right perspectives or help him set things right.

This morning while driving to school, we drove past a construction site. Then he saw a few foreign workers walking towards the site and asked "Are they going to work? Why aren't they driving?"

Kids are so simple minded. Just because they get driven everywhere and they see mommy and daddy and the people they know drive to work, they automatically assume everyone has a car.

"Not everyone has a car, dear. Some people walk to work, some people take the bus, some people take the train"
"Why?"
"Because buying and maintaining a car is not cheap. You have to pay for the car and pay for petrol"

Then came my lessons about having to work hard, to be prudent, cannot waste, blah blah blah... Hopefully having these daily short chit chats is good enough to reinforce the right traits and values in H. Now I have to think about L. How do I find time to do the same with her?

teaching kids values

If I could, I would like to be the one spending most time with my kids. It baffles me sometimes what my kids say. I think it must be from the people they interact most with. In the case of L, that will be her nanny. Don't get me wrong, we love L's nanny to bits. She's extremely patient with the kids, and very soft spoken. The only thing I find with old aunties are they like to pass judgmental comments (e.g. saying someone is fat or something is ugly, etc.) and being superficial and judgmental is not what you want your kids to pick up.

Yesterday while having dinner with L, I asked her about school and her new friends. She was telling me about her new class and other random stuff and then she made this comment that made me sit up.

"Some girls are pretty and some girls are ugly"

Not knowing how to react, my first response was "all girls are pretty in their own way darling, there's no such thing as being ugly."

Then I added, "having a pretty face is not enough, you need to have a good heart. That will make you beautiful so everyone can be beautiful!"

I wasn't sure if she was paying attention to what I said because she started rattling on about other things. But I must find other opportunities to reinforce my message to her. Now how do I tell L's nanny to not pass judgmental comments about others in front of the kids? I don't want her to think that I'm accusing her of any wrongdoing. I just want to remind her that we should all be careful of what we say in front of the kids. So how?!!!

Busy busy year end

I realised I've not been updating my blog. Here's a quick update on what we've been up to:

1. Managing renovations at 2 houses
Finally managed to nail down the contractors for the renovation of our 2 new houses - one for own stay and one for renting out. After weeks of going around hunting for supplies (tiles, paint, light fittings, etc.) we've finally settled everything (or at least I hope we have). Contractors have finally also started work this week, so fingers crossed, we'll be able to get our houses ready by mid-December.

2. Getting organised for our move
Still lots of packing to do. We're doing bit by bit every weekend. Last weekend I cleared up and given away all of L's old baby clothes so the doctor better be right that we're having a baby boy else we'll end up having to go shopping for new baby gal clothes!

Also realised that there may be a rat lurking around my packed boxes in the porch... yikes!!! We found rat droppings in the porch in the last 2 days, and scratch marks on the boxes. How to get rid of the darn rat the natural way? I mean I don't want to kill it, I just want it to leave. I read peppermint is a natural rat repellent but have yet to try it out. So now all new packed boxes are kept in the house, no more putting them outside.   

3. Keeping the kids busy
Feeling extremely guilty for not spending more time with the kids during the school hols. H is going camping with his grandparents and cousin this weekend. He's extremely excited. L wants to go too but I told her she can't since she's actually afraid of getting dirty. She wouldn't step on grass or mud, so how to go camping?!!! When I told her that while taking her for a walk by the poolside, she immediately walked on the grass and said "See, I'm stepping on the grass. Now can I go camping?". "No, you have to walk on the grass barefooted!". I think she's given up hope. Now she's excited that we're taking them to Legoland. She's been talking about it everyday since we told her we'll be going next weekend. So Hubs better make it happen otherwise she will be extremely disappointed!

They've also gone for a couple of field trips with my sis' school which I missed. I will also be missing the Jim West puppet show next week but at least the kids will have fun. The good news is I just got a call from Dumex to inform me that I won 2 tickets to the Hi-5 concert in December. Yippeee... I've never won any contest before so my luck must have changed. L will be thrilled since she loves Hi-5. And since she doesn't get to go camping, I'll be taking her to the concert :-)

Social development milestones

It wasn't too long ago that we were worried about H's social skills. He seemed to like playing on his own and never spoke much about his friends from school. Of late, he seemed to have blossomed socially. He voluntarily tells us about what he did in school, about his friends, etc. He even has best friends now whom he speaks about. I guess we were just overly paranoid. Children's social interactions develop in stages, and I found this article by Joan Almon extremely enlightening.

I quote from her article The Vital Role of Play in Early Childhood Education:

"The way children engage in social play with others changes over the years. The one year old tends to play alone, while social play of two year-olds is generally called parallel play for young children play side by side without fully interacting with each other. I would characterize the play of three and four year olds as playmate play. The children enjoy playing with each other (with occasional squabbles as part of the play experience), but generally they are not deeply invested in each other. They enjoy playing together when they are in nursery school, but tend to forget about each other when they are apart. An exception to this, in my experience, occurs among children whose families are friends or who carpool together. In such situations, life thrusts the children together outside the usual play times, and playmates become more like family members who play an important, abiding role in a child’s life. Normally, however, children of this age happily play with their playmates in school and forget about them for the rest of the day.

 

The social play of five and six year olds is different. The doors to deeper social relationships are opening for them. They form friendships and talk about their friends at home. They think about their friends when they are apart. They may want to call them on the phone or visit in their homes."

 

H is turning 5 so I guess he's starting to display the social characteristics of a 5 year old. It's rather sad that we have to pull him out of school at the end of this semester now that he has formed firm friendship in school. He actually wanted to stay in his current school but that's another story altogether.

 

 

Reward chart

Fellow parents will understand when I say how hard it is to get your kids to listen to you sometimes or rather most of the time. After my failed attempt to teach H how to save by having him earn his pocket money from performing chores, I came up with a reward chart. The initial idea was to list down simple chores he needs to do (including good behaviorial traits) and he will get rewarded with a star on a daily basis for compliance. The stars can then be exchanged for pocket money at the end of the week. But Hubs disagreed - we shouldn't pay him for good behaviour or routine chores. So I've given up on the pocket money front, he will still be getting stars, each star will give him 5 minutes on the iPad :-)

The thing with kids, they are so easily bribed. Now they make it a point to remember to put away their toys, not to whine and throw tantrum, etc. just to earn stars. Best thing is, the simple joy of getting rewarded with stars is good enough, e.g. for L, she doesn't even expect to get anything out of the stars. To her simple mind, getting a star is a reward on its own.

H's reward chart

Using a pocket wall chart is a great idea so that you don't have to keep printing the chart, plus you can change the chores/behaviourial traits as and when you need to. Every night, I'll go down the list and ask H if he complied, if so, I'll insert a star into the pocket. Easy-peasy!

Bugging nightmares

H has been having nightmares recently. He would wake up in the middle of the night shouting for mommy. In all his nightmares, there's one recurring theme - bugs! First it was spiders, then ants, then bees, and last night cockroaches. Usually it's about him being attacked my the insects (I think). I try not to ask questions so as not to disrupt his sleep. Normally I'd just reassure him that there's no bugs in his room and that mommy is here.

Normally dreams or nightmares occur when your subconscious mind is trying to make sense of your emotions or the things that are happening in your life, whether you know it or not. I'm beginning to wonder what is actually bothering him for him to be getting these nightmares.  A quick googling revealed that dreaming about insects often indicates that something is annoying or pestering him/her. It further revealed that if a person dreams that he/she is completely surrounded or overwhelmed by insects, he/she is probably so annoyed by something or someone that he/she is ready to freak out. Oops, this sounds like the subject of H's dream. Should I be concern?

Here are interpretations of the said insects from H's dreams (from my google research):

1. Ants: It could mean that the person is feeling "ansty", or ressless. Ants also can symbolise the small annoyances and irritations in our daily lives.
2. Bees: Bees are usually a good omen, they symbolise wealth, good luck, harmony, creativity and bliss. However, if you get stung by one, it may indicate that you have been wronged. Maybe you have been hurt by some stinging remark.
3. Spiders: To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. However, if to see a spider spinning a web in your dream signifies that you will be rewarded for your hard work.
4. Cockroaches: Dreaming of cockroaches generally means there is a part of your life you feel you need to confront and possibly change. It can represent a need for renewal or self-cleaning of your emotional or spiritual being.

Apparently dreaming of bugs is one the top 10 nightmares among children. I'm not sure if that's supposed to be reassuring, i.e. everything's normal and there's nothing to worry about. According to Dr. Gillian Holloway in her article "Your Child's Top 10 Nightmares and Dreams Explained", children are prone to dreaming about insects in their bed or a swarm of bugs coming into their room at night (sounds very much like H to me). I quote from her article:

"What you need to know:
This is a dream that may recur a few times with varying degrees of agitation. It is a common dream for youngsters to experience when they are facing unpredictable situations, such as a separation in the marriage, moving into a new home or a new sibling being brought home. There is no single catalyst or interpretation for the attacking insects; rather, the frightening dream seems to reflect a sense of bewilderment and being overwhelmed. Arguments, unexpected changes and feeling as if she has no control over events may trigger repetitions of the dream. If your child has this dream, do what you can to give her some sense of control, or at least a voice in her own fate. Point out stability where it still exists, and help things to be as smooth and predictable as possible. And do what you can to manage your own anxiety, for she may pick it up and feel unsettled even though you aren't saying much about the situation."

Has this all to do with H trying to adjust to the big school?

Social and emotional development in kids

Sometimes I wonder if parents are the ones thinking or worrying too much. Here I am, barely 3 months since H entered the big school, and I'm already considering taking him out. It's not that H's school is not good, I just don't think that it suits him now (maybe if he was older I'd think differently). So anyway, I went to check out this Waldorf-inspired preschool yesterday. I know I mentioned before that while I like Waldorf's play-based philosophy (kids are free to play, imagine and create), I've never considered a Waldorf school for H since I don't quite agree that kids are not exposed to anything academic. I don't want to sound kiasu, but some kids are more than ready to learn academic subjects (in a fun way of course)! Anyway, my reason for going against my original stance is that I think H would benefit from an environment in which his social and emotional skills get developed. He doesn't really need more academic inputs. Perhaps being in an environment in which he gets to just play and interact with kids would be more beneficial for him.

Before I visited the school, I was already quite convinced that the Waldorf-inspired school is the way to go for H. But the school visit was somewhat disappointing. The teacher who showed me around didn't really understand nor address my concerns. I'm not sure if it's the language barrier. The school's supposed to be English based, but I felt this particular teacher's command of English isn't quite up to mark (perhaps the reason why she couldn't respond to my queries). So I'm torn - it has a good reputation for happy children and caring teachers. Should I ditch my lousy experience from this visit and register H anyway? I don't really want to keep changing schools, so I have to make sure that the next school H goes to is the one for him. Besides, the fees aren't cheap. I remember telling my Waldorf-trained sis (the one's who's been encouraging me to put H into the Waldorf school) once "Why need to pay so much for H to go play in school? He can just play at home!" I still think what I said is true since we don't restrict H's playtime at home. In fact, he plays all day at home. And he doesn't need toys, he's got fantastic imagination.

Last night I asked H if he had fun in school and he said yes. I then asked if he's starting to like his big school, he said no! Kids are really funny, you really have to ask the right question cos I would have assumed fun = like, but apparently not! He told me again that his current school is just learn learn learn and no play. I told him that he can learn in school and play at home, but he disagreed, "I also want to play in school!"

Well I guess H needs more than just play, he needs to have friends to play with. And this is extremely important as only through play and interaction with others would kids develop the ability to understand their own emotions, read and comprehend emotional states in others, manage strong emotions and their expression in a constructive manner, regulate one’s own behavior, develop empathy for others, and establish and maintain relationships. These are all what you can't teach in an academic setting.

I found another school today which claims to nurture well rounded kids, balancing both intellectual and emotional development in a fun manner. Sounds really promising. Will have to check it out.

Bedtime routine

I really have to rethink the kids' bedtime routine. They're both reluctant to go to bed and it's a struggle every night. It takes at least an hour to finally get them settled in bed, and that doesn't mean they fall asleep immediately. No wonder H can't wake up in the morning (my poor boy has to wake up at 6:30am), and I swear he's getting eye bags from the lack of sleep (he won't nap in the afternoon).

Here's how it goes every night.

8pm: Mommy me will yell "OK enough, stop playing everyone goes upstairs!" which will be met with defiance "No, I still want to play!" I will then turn off the lights in the living room and start marching upstairs, "Mommy is going up, you can stay and play if you want but I'm going up!" That usually gets their attention. On a good day, they'll race each other up the stairs. On a bad day, one or both of them will start whining or throw a fit!

8.15pm-8.30pm: Depending on luck, I finally get them both upstairs, but getting them changed and brushing their teeth is another battle. Their favourite game is to chase each other along the corridor and from room to room, while I try to keep my patience checked. "Stop running dear, come here and brush your teeth..." I'll be repeating this over and over until my patience runs out then I'll resort to threatening him "That's it, I'm gonna ask kakak to come get you ready" or physically dragging him into the room. Since I can only handle one kid at a time (cos it's running late and H needs to go to bed), the nanny usually takes the other (L by default) which on most nights result in her throwing a fit "I don't want you, I want mommy!"

8:30pm: Gosh, already so late! "It's late already, time to sleep." which will be met by "I want a story first". "OK just one story then you have to sleep, promise?" But after one story, it'll be "I want another story!" or "I want to drink milo", or "I want to chit chat", etc.

9pm-9.30pm: Again depending on luck, the kids are finally settled.

So really, if I want H to sleep by 8:30pm (so that he gets 10 hours of sleep), I'll have to shoo them upstairs by 7:30pm latest. Sometimes I'm not even home by 7:30pm. How lah?!!!

Dilemma

4 Reasons To Ditch Academic Preschools | Janet Lansbury

I like the above post. It captures exactly my thoughts. H is one of those preschoolers who has a knack for letters and numbers, and has, through his own interest and initiative 'thought' himself to read, spell and do math. He's coping well academically in his current school (which is overly academic) but I just feel that what he needs is not more academic learning but nurturing his self-esteem and confidence, learning how to socialise and self-regulate, etc.

Last night, I asked H if he likes his school. He gave me an affirmative no. When probed further this was his exact answer, "We only learn learn learn and don't play, so boring!". I can really feel for him. Classes run from 8am-2pm with 2 short breaks in between. That's a really long day for a kid if all they do is academic learning, with no play time in between. "I like SA (his previous preschool), we get to play and learn, not just learn learn learn!"

If H was older, I would probably tell him that well, life is not a bed of roses so deal with it. Maybe not in such words but you get my drift. Kids should not be over-protected nor overly-pampered. But H is only 4.5 years old. I'm not sure if the lack of sleep, or the overly academic school is taking a toll on his emotional wellbeing. My sis and mom seemed to have noticed that H's temper is getting from bad to worse. He seemed to have had it under control for a while but ever since he started schooling (in his new school), he's more short fused. Simple things get him agitated and he will burst out in anger. My sis has been nagging me about my decision to send H to such an academic school whereby kids are pushed to learn so much so young, about introducing unnecessary stress to him, etc. I always just brushed her off, "Where got stress? It's not like he's struggling, he is actually coping well!"

I don't agree to push a child beyond their developmental readiness, but I also don't agree to delay a child's learning. For H, he's a fast and keen learner so he's definitely ready to learn everything that's taught in school with ease. But now taking a step back to reconsider, I guess there's really no need to introduce more academic subjects into H's life. Instead we should focus on his weaknesses. But pulling him out of school after the first semester means forfeiting the hefty deposit we paid. The only way to get back the full refund is to put in a notice of withdrawal before June and only leave at the end of the year. Hub's ok either way, "Money you can earn, but you can't buy back childhood". Sometimes he does have spurts of wisdom, hahaha.

So what should I do? Put aside all these nagging feelings and stay the course (praying that all will trun out well in the end), or do something (which may not necesarily turn out to be right)?

H's colouring nightmare

I must have underestimated how much H dislike colouring. I know he's not a big fan of colouring but his procrastination when it comes to finishing off his homework that requires colouring is driving me mad!

I'm not sure when this all started. He's never been unwilling to colour, in fact when in a good mood, he will try to colour in nicely. But recently, I realised that he's just unwilling to pick up those colour pencils. Over the weekend while I was supervising him with his homework, he did eveything quickly but left out sections requiring colouring.

"Can you please finish off your homework? Just a little more, you only need to colour the boxes."

No reply and went off to play with his sister!

"Come back H! You can play later, just this little bit more..."

H came back, and sat there playing with his colour pencils instead (pretending they were stick men fighting).

Me getting impatient, "You better finish it now cos I'm not going to remind you again. You can go to school and explain to the teacher why you didn't finish!"

Reluctantly he started colouring, but instead of just filling the boxes with one colour, he had to draw stripes. Sigh, I was really losing patience. And he was doing it really slowly as well, getting distracted all the time. I just couldn't sit there any longer and walked away before I snapped.



When I came back after 1/2 hour, H still wasn't done. Instead he proudly showed me what he did, "See mommy!". H drew the ants and bees game (ipad game) on paper, complete with different levels some more! *slaps forehead*



"Very nice dear, but why haven't you finished your homework? No need to do in colourful stripes lah, just use one single colour so that you can do it faster!"

"In school you don't waste time like that ok else your teacher will say you're slow in colouring!"



Opps, blurted out too fast!

"My teacher didn't say I am slow in colouring. She said I was lousy in colouring."

I wonder if that's the reason he's rejecting colouring. It's terrible how teachers make such comments even if it's unintentional cos you never know how those words can affect a kid's subconscious mind.

"Well it's ok to be lousy, not everyone's good at everything, but with practice you can be good too..."

H finally sat down to finish off his homework. He coloured the rest of the boxes with one single colour and finished in no time. See it's not that hard. I'm not sure why he just refused to do it.

Quality time with L

L has recently become more clingy and whiny. I blame it on me not spending enough quality time with her. I noticed that on days when I spend one-on-one time with her, showering her with attention, etc., she's more well behaved and will not 'reject' her nanny. Otherwise she will cling to me like a koala bear as soon as I get home, and will scream and cry whenever she wants something.

These days Hubs sends H to school in the morning so I must make it a point to stay home till about 8.45am before she heads off to nursery to head off to work. That way, we can snuggle up and read, or play games. I remember I used to spend more time playing with H, e.g. doing puzzles, painting, etc. but I've not done the same for L. Not because I don't want to, but there's just not enough time since bedtime is now earlier (8pm on school days).

Yesterday morning L took out this spatial logic puzzle to play with. We actually have lots of puzzles and games stashed away and forgotten. I should really do some reorganising and take them out for L now that she's ready for them.

This morning I didn't have time to spend with L cos I had to send H to school. But tomorrow, we shall have our mother-daughter bonding time again by explore another puzzle/game together :-)

chores and pocket money

Ever since H got his new wallet, he's been bugging me every evening (when I come home from work) for a 'job' so that he gets paid. My little H is quite a money face (must have gotten the genes from  Hubs). Here are come of the conversations that have transpired since he came to possession of his wallet.

On the first night
After I told H I will think of something for him to do, he told Daddy, "Mummy will give me a job tomorrow and you can pay me RM8-RM9 for it." Wah since when do kids get paid RM9 for a chore. I'm not sure how he arrived at that figure but he surely won't be paid more than RM1.

The second day
H: Mommy what is this for? <showing me the card compartment in his wallet>
Me: That's for you to put your cards
H: I don't have a card. Can you give me a credit card?

Wah, credit card? Hell no!!

H's first chore
It's really not easy to think of a chore since kakak does almost everything and we don't want him to get the wrong impression that he'd get paid for doing routine things, things that he's meant to do anyway. And after much bugging (and to make sure he's doesn't lose interest), I asked him to help me clean up my wadrobe. He wasn't much of a help to be honest but I paid him RM1 at the end of it. On hind sight, I should have only given him 50 cents. Now he must think that chores are such easy peasy way to make money.

Yesterday
H: Can you give me a job again?
Me: You don't get chores everyday.
H: But I want.... <started whining>
Me: Chores cannot be too easy for you to earn money <oopss said it too fast too soon>
H: But I want easy, I don't want difficult. You must have different types. RM1 for easy, RM3 for medium, RM5 for difficult.

Wah, can bargain summore!

Me: Nope. RM1 is maximum. If it's easy you only get 50 cents.

Then he asked me for another card since there are more than one card compartment. After digging through my cardholder, I could only find one 'useless' card (a loyalty card we got from the biscuit company when we bought our CNY cookies).

Me: There you go, you can have this cute little biscuit shop card.
H: To buy biscuits?
Me: Yes.
H: You mean if we buy biscuit and we don't have enough money to pay we give the card?

Alamak!!! He thinks it's a cookie credit card... hahahaha!

Me: Nope, you can't pay using the card but you can get a discount!

I'm starting to think that this whole chores and pocket money idea is not such a good idea after all. Perhaps I need to change my strategy to make it easier else I'm gonna be bombarded with endless request for chores every evening (and overpaying for simple stuff which defeats the purpose of teaching him that earning money is hard work).

i dun wanna go to school

My little girl has always loved school. She's never resisted going to school from the very first day. But after the long extended weekend, she's been resisting school three mornings in a row this week. When Po-Po came to pick her up on Tuesday & Wednesday, she cried and insisted she wanted to stay at home and watch TV. Has the Nanny been indulging her whilst we were away? Why is L suddenly such a TV addict?

This morning Hubs sent H to school, so I stayed home till Po-Po came over to take L to school. Maybe cos I was home, L didn't ask to watch TV, instead she said she wanted me to read her Clifford the Dog. We read 2 books, one of which was about Emily Elizabeth camping in the yard. Me and my great idea, I asked if she wanted me to 'build' her a tent. L was excited. We went to the bedroom to grab a blanket, and draped it over the dining chair and sofa. Ta-dah... her very own tent. When Po-Po came over, L didn't want to get out of her tent and whined, "I don't want to go to chinese class! I want to stay at home!"

Finally I had to bribe her with chocolates. Still she was reluctant to get into the car but we made her go anyway. Now I'm beginning to wonder - should I just allow her to stay home and play? She's only 2.5 years old, if she doesn't want to go to school she shouldn't have to. I have no issue with L just playing at home. At her age, she should be playing. My only issue is that since I'm not home to monitor her activities, I'd rather her play in school. At least I can be sure that she's engaged in constructive play and not put in front of the TV all day. You can never be sure that your instructions are duly followed since L can be quite a tyrant. She will scream and yell until she gets what she wants, and the Nanny normally gives in quite easily to her whims.

melbourne getaway & home

It was a nice short getaway, managed to meet up with friends and family. Most importantly though, we achieved what we set out to do. It's amazing how a short weekend trip like this can be so productive - although we only spent 3 full days in Melbourne, I must say it felt longer than that.

Food was so good in Melbourne. Weather was not too bad - except that you'd think it'd be warmer since it's summer but we still needed our jackets. Flight was bad though, the seats on Air Asia X sucked real bad! I remembered it to be ok but this time round, it was just extremely uncomfortable! And we couldn't really sleep on the plane. On the way there, we were seated in front of a group of Cambodians who couldn't stopped yakking on the top of their voices despite it being a late night flight. On the way back, we were seated behind a couple of Australian teenage backpackers who couldn't stop talking and laughing non-stop despite it being an early morning (i.e. 1 am) flight. Hubs was really irritated. Now I can understand how others feel when our kids were on the plane cos they must be just as noisy.

Missed the kids so much. When we got back, L was clingier than ever. She wouldn't let me out of her sight. As soon as I stepped away, within split seconds, she'll be crying "mommy mommy where are you? I want mommy...". And she wouldn't nap for fear that we'd go out and leave her at home. Her brother on the other hand was perfectly fine. I guess he's old enough to understand that mommy and daddy will always come home to them, and probably also used to us going away without taking them along. Are we such bad parents? We know of many parents, in fact most of our friends with family, they would and have never left their kids behind - everywhere they go, they'd lug their kids along. We always get 2 very distinct of responses whenever we tell our friends that we went on holiday without the kids - one is of disbelief and disapproval (how can you do that?!!), one is of envy (how we wish we can do that too!).

Would you do that, i.e. leave your kids at home while you go out or go holidaying? We used to sneak out without informing the kids, but as soon as they realise you're gone, they would start screaming and yelling. I guess it also builds 'distrust'. These days we find it better to just tell them that we'll be going out. Prep them beforehand. Tell them exactly where you'll be going and what you'll be doing (i.e. something boring that only adults would want to do and that they're better off staying at home) and bribe them (i.e. tell mommy what you want mommy will get it for you). It's easy to bribe kids this age, or at least mine aren't that demanding. It's usually the food they are crazy over at that point in time. E.g. when we went to London last year, H asked for donuts. This time round, L asked for yoghurt :-)

H's whininess is driving me nuts

H has been behaving really well for the longest time and I thought he's finally graduated into being a big boy until recently. I'm not sure why, but for the past few weeks he's suddenly become all whiny again and it's driving me nuts! My patience has run out and last night, I just couldn't help it and gave him a hard long lecture while getting him ready for bed. And since I wasn't in my nicest mode, I must have been a little rough with him (I was yanking his T-shirt over his head and as the collar opening was a little small it got stuck). Suddenly he burst out crying "mommy you hurt me".  I'm sure it didn't really hurt, he was just taken aback over me scolding him. Without thinking (which I regretted immediately) I snapped back at him, "mommy can't be nice if you keep making mommy upset".  I then had to recollect myself, apologised to him and continued giving him the lecture in a nice and gentle manner.

Being a mom is a real test of patience. I have to remind myself to always keep calm which is not always easy to do. How else can you teach your kids to speak nicely if all they ever hear is you yelling at them? How can you build positive self-esteem in your kids if all they ever hear is you telling them they aren't good enough? I try to be as mindful as I can when choosnig the words I use with my kids but sometimes it's easier said than done.

Terrible Two to Terrific Two

I'm not sure what got into my little girl but she was such a little angel yesterday.

Last night when we were leaving Po-Po's house, I told H to pick up his dominoes. He refused and told Po-Po to pick them up instead. He was at the door and demanded to go home (now!) so that he can have his milk. Little L said "I will help" and so she did. She helped Po-Po put the dominoes back into the box, and we all praised her for being helpful.

On the way back in the car, I told H that he's not to bite the teat of his milk bottle. He's now left with only one bottle with teat, so he can only have one bottle of milk before bed (H has a tendency to ask for 2 sometimes 3 bottles of milk before he finally falls asleep). Little L said "I can share my bottle with kor-kor." How generous of little L to want to share her bottles. So I praised her for being nice and generous to her big brother.

After reading them a book, I told H & L it was time for bed. H, as usual, gave me a whole bunch of excuses for not wanting to go to bed. L is normally the same but last night, she obediently followed me to her room and allowed the nanny to get her ready for bed (again this is unusual as she normally insists that I get her ready instead). No fuss at all!

Is my Terrible Two turning into a Terrific Two?!!  Hmmm... maybe a little praise does go a long way!

Law of attraction

While driving to work this morning I was listening to Michael Losier discussing the Law of Attraction on the Red Breakfast Show. Essentially he's saying that your thoughts and speech give out vibes which will then attract the corresponding outcomes/results. So if you think positive thoughts, you're sending out positive vibrations which will attract positive results; likewise if you think negative thoughts, you're sending out negative vibrations which will attract negative results. So what he's saying is that we should avoid saying 'Can't', 'No' or 'Don't', but instead rephrase our words to reflect what we want to accomplish. We should also avoid repeating undesirable stories about someone as this will just reinforce the undesirable behaviour or characteristics of that person.

I guess this is nothing new but I've never thought of it beyond how we ought to talk to our kids. I've always been reminded by my big sister (who is a trained early childhood educator) that we should never tell the kids (especially toddlers) 'No' or 'Don't' as they would not hear these words but instead only hear what follows. For example if I tell my little girl 'Don't put your fingers in your mouth', she will go ahead and put them in her mouth. If I tell her 'Dont' hit your kor-kor', she will go ahead and hit her brother. I'm sure many of us have experienced this. So the way to handle such situation is always to tell them what you want. For example 'Why don't we go wash our hands' or 'Please sayang your kor-kor like this'. In most cases, this actually works as you distract them from doing the 'negative' to doing the 'positive'.

After this morning's talk, I think I have to apply the Law of Attraction further. I must STOP thinking and telling people that H is shy and has no confidence, and that L is stubborn and defiant. Instead, I MUST start projecting positive thoughts and imagine how a confident H is and how a well-behaved L is :-) 

Watch what you say

I have to watch what I say to the kids cos they have the tendency to use the same exact words back at me. Sometimes I don't know whether to be angry or to laugh...

Bedtime
H: Mummy I want milk
I went downstairs and came back up with H's bottle of milk
H: <Taking the bottle from me> I want my jum-jum (bolster)
Me: Why din you say so when i went down to make your milk dear. Go get it yourself, mummy's legs will be tired going up and down

While packing L's bag getting ready to go out
Me: Dear can you please help mummy get mei mei's diapers from her room?
H: OK <And off he went - up to L's room and down with L's diaper>
Me: Thanks. Oh only 1? I need 2. Can you please get another one?
H: <Gave me the grumpy look> But my legs will be tired going up and down

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Eating durian
Me: Dear do you want some? Come here, mummy will give you some
For a good whole 10 minutes I was asking him the same question while he was running around and simply ignoring me. After I've finished and washed my hands...
H: Mummy I want some
Me: Sorry dear, I've washed my hands already. I don't want to dirty them again

Cleaning up after playing with his play-doh
Me: H, you're not done cleaning up, why are there still pieces on the floor? Come pick them up
H: You pick it up. I've washed my hands already I don't want to dirty them again