teaching kids values (part 2)

One of the biggest arguments against sending kids to an international school is this whole thing about cultivating strong values. No doubt the school environment plays a part but I think the home environment plays a much bigger part. It is unfortunate that we don't spend enough time with the kids on weekdays. Hubs normally only comes home when the kids are already asleep. As for me, I try to get home as soon as I can. It helps now that my travelling time is shorter since we've moved closer to where we work, but still, by the time I finish dinner, it's almost time for the kids to get ready for bed. So at most, I only get to spend 1-1.5 hours with them before the lights go off.

H will always want to chit chat and I always feel bad that I have to cut our chit chat time cos he needs to get enough sleep.

H: Can we chit chat some more?
Me: Nope we can chit chat tomorrow, you need to sleep now!

As I close his room door I always feel guilty. What if he stops wanting to chit chat with his mommy? What if he thinks I don't care enough?

The saving grace is that we can chit chat in the car on the way to school. Hubs feels that we should get a transporter since the traffic getting out of H's school to work can be horrendous in the morning. On average, the travelling time from home to school to office is about 1.5 hours. But that will mean losing our precious chit chat time. I really don't mind the travelling time, at least it gives me time to talk to H. By understanding what went on during his day in school or at home (e.g. something someone said, or something someone did, or simply something he encountered, etc.), I'll be able to provide him with the right perspectives or help him set things right.

This morning while driving to school, we drove past a construction site. Then he saw a few foreign workers walking towards the site and asked "Are they going to work? Why aren't they driving?"

Kids are so simple minded. Just because they get driven everywhere and they see mommy and daddy and the people they know drive to work, they automatically assume everyone has a car.

"Not everyone has a car, dear. Some people walk to work, some people take the bus, some people take the train"
"Why?"
"Because buying and maintaining a car is not cheap. You have to pay for the car and pay for petrol"

Then came my lessons about having to work hard, to be prudent, cannot waste, blah blah blah... Hopefully having these daily short chit chats is good enough to reinforce the right traits and values in H. Now I have to think about L. How do I find time to do the same with her?

teaching kids values

If I could, I would like to be the one spending most time with my kids. It baffles me sometimes what my kids say. I think it must be from the people they interact most with. In the case of L, that will be her nanny. Don't get me wrong, we love L's nanny to bits. She's extremely patient with the kids, and very soft spoken. The only thing I find with old aunties are they like to pass judgmental comments (e.g. saying someone is fat or something is ugly, etc.) and being superficial and judgmental is not what you want your kids to pick up.

Yesterday while having dinner with L, I asked her about school and her new friends. She was telling me about her new class and other random stuff and then she made this comment that made me sit up.

"Some girls are pretty and some girls are ugly"

Not knowing how to react, my first response was "all girls are pretty in their own way darling, there's no such thing as being ugly."

Then I added, "having a pretty face is not enough, you need to have a good heart. That will make you beautiful so everyone can be beautiful!"

I wasn't sure if she was paying attention to what I said because she started rattling on about other things. But I must find other opportunities to reinforce my message to her. Now how do I tell L's nanny to not pass judgmental comments about others in front of the kids? I don't want her to think that I'm accusing her of any wrongdoing. I just want to remind her that we should all be careful of what we say in front of the kids. So how?!!!

Jolly phonics

L, at 3, is not showing much interest in the academic side. I mean, compared to H, he already mastered his phonics and could already spell simple words at 3. I hate to compare and it has not really bothered me since L is really a smart cookie. It's just that she's not interested in learning her A-B-Cs yet. Why am I bringing this up? Daddy made a comment last night about L still not knowing her letters and whether we should be concern. Well no I said, she's only 3. And to be fair, she does know her letters and sounds, it's just that she doesn't like to be asked or tested. Daddy thinks we should bring out the 'Ants on the Apple' book and start singing to her since she loves singing. I guess we haven't really been as diligent with L as we've been with H. We used to sing him 'Ants on the Apple' when he was a baby. Not sure if that was why he picked up phonics so quickly, but I reckon it's more to do with his interest which borderlines obsessiveness. When H is interested in something, he gets really obsessed about it.

Since L loves to sing, I guess one way to get her interested in learning the alphabet and phonics is to play her music. Instead of watching cartoons, perhaps it's worth letting her watch the jolly phonics videos instead. She's already doing jolly phonics in school, so better to be consistent :-)

This should satisfy daddy. I thought moms are supposed to be the kiasu ones. In our case, daddy seems to be more kiasu... hahaha.

Silly rhymes

Last night, instead of the usual bedtime story routine, H wanted to play school. Playing school is good fun too, since he's not been to school for close to 3 weeks already. So the first lesson we had was English, and what better way to learn language than indulging in some silly rhymes.

H: Mummy you be the teacher, I'll be the student
Me: Ok, let's see. Today we'll learn about rhymes
H: Yay!!!

I really liked this game we made up. Not only do you learn to recognise words that rhyme, you also learn new vocab, learn how to spell and be creative in your writing. Best of all, it is a great bonding process as we couldn't stop laughing and giggling.

Here are some of the rhymes we wrote.  All you need is a magna doodle board to write on and lots of silliness...   (bold texts written by me, non-bold texts written by H)

Twinkle twinkle little star
How I wish I had a car
How I wish I become a potato
so that I can be friends with a tomato

Incy wincy spider
drank a cup of cider
He went up a mountain
and fell into a fountain

Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty dumpty fell onto a ball
... <can't remember what came after>

We did a couple more rhymes too but I just can't remember them (my memory is failing me). Should have taken a snapshot of all the rhymes we wrote. I'm sure L will have a good laugh too when read to her. It was a pity she was already asleep last night when we played the game.

the birds and the bees

How do you explain to your 5-year old where babies come from? Ever since we told H he's going to have a little baby, he's been ecstatic. It is so different from the time when we told him he was going to have a little sister (i.e. L), he wasn't too bothered and was rather disinterested. Along with his enthusiasm comes the dreaded questions. How does the baby come out? How did you put it in your stomach? Etc. etc.

The first question was easy cos for both H and L, I had a C-section. No need to explain about the natural birthing process, I just told him the doctor cut open my stomach and take the baby out. On hind sight, it must have been a little gruesome for him to grasp, imagine the doctor cutting open mummy's stomach. Urggghhh!!!

H: "Then how do you put it back?"
Me: "Put what back?"
H: "Your stomach?"
Me: "The doctor will use a needle and thread to sew it back, just like how you sew clothes"
H: "Is it painful?"
Me: "Yah just a little, but just for a while. It's like when you have a scratch and it hurts but it will heal and it won't hurt anymore"

Then H went silent. I wasn't sure what he was thinking. Maybe I should have just made it simple by saying mummy will go to the hospital and the doctor will take the baby out.

We then went for dinner and on the way, he suddenly asked.

H: "How did it get in there?"
Me: "What get in where?"
H: "The baby"

That sure is a tough question. I wasn't sure how to answer, being caught off guard. And remembering to keep it simple this time, I just blurted, "mummy planted it there". H found this funny, but he's also too smart to take me seriously. "What?!!! How can you plant a baby?"

Luckily he didn't try to probe further, whew!!! I'm sure the question will pop up again. This time I better have a good answer. So how do you explain to a pre-schooler where babies come from? Hmmmm... I need to get a book!

Social development milestones

It wasn't too long ago that we were worried about H's social skills. He seemed to like playing on his own and never spoke much about his friends from school. Of late, he seemed to have blossomed socially. He voluntarily tells us about what he did in school, about his friends, etc. He even has best friends now whom he speaks about. I guess we were just overly paranoid. Children's social interactions develop in stages, and I found this article by Joan Almon extremely enlightening.

I quote from her article The Vital Role of Play in Early Childhood Education:

"The way children engage in social play with others changes over the years. The one year old tends to play alone, while social play of two year-olds is generally called parallel play for young children play side by side without fully interacting with each other. I would characterize the play of three and four year olds as playmate play. The children enjoy playing with each other (with occasional squabbles as part of the play experience), but generally they are not deeply invested in each other. They enjoy playing together when they are in nursery school, but tend to forget about each other when they are apart. An exception to this, in my experience, occurs among children whose families are friends or who carpool together. In such situations, life thrusts the children together outside the usual play times, and playmates become more like family members who play an important, abiding role in a child’s life. Normally, however, children of this age happily play with their playmates in school and forget about them for the rest of the day.

 

The social play of five and six year olds is different. The doors to deeper social relationships are opening for them. They form friendships and talk about their friends at home. They think about their friends when they are apart. They may want to call them on the phone or visit in their homes."

 

H is turning 5 so I guess he's starting to display the social characteristics of a 5 year old. It's rather sad that we have to pull him out of school at the end of this semester now that he has formed firm friendship in school. He actually wanted to stay in his current school but that's another story altogether.

 

 

My Art Studio

Since H is no longer going for his edudrama class, I thought it would be good for him to try out art lessons. When I told Hubs about this, his reaction was, "we need to be smart about choosing the programmes for our kids cos weekends are precious, and art isn't a priority!" Why not? I totally disagree. Art is not just about sketching and colouring, it's more than that but most people just don't see the value in it. Anyway, I was quite adamant about H taking on art. I asked H if he wanted to go for a trial lesson and he said yes. He was actually quite excited about going to the art class (perhaps it's more to do with being with his cousin who's also attending the same art class).

I must say I'm really happy with My Art Studio. For the first time, H was actually keen to participate. I had no problem getting him into the class, he went in on his own. I also had no problem leaving him there on his own (I can't be sitting there waiting for him for 2 hours). Perhaps it's really cos his cousin is there, but they aren't in the same class so it's not like they get to interact during the lesson. But what I'm really happy about is that the teachers are really engaging. You can tell that they really adore kids, which is perhaps why H took to the teachers quite readily.

One point to note about choosing the right art school is to look at the children's work. In some schools, kids are taught how to draw and colour (almost prescriptive) so the work produced by the kids are almost identical. For me that's a big no no! The reason for sending H to an art school is to nurture his creativity and confidence in expressing himself.

Last week, the kids were told stories about Duan Wu Jie (Dragon Boat or Dumpling Festival) and were shown actual images of the different elements related to the festival (e.g. dumplings, dragon boat race, etc.). They were then asked to create their own masterpiece based on their interpretation of the festival. When I went to pick H up, I was pretty impressed with the masterpieces created by the kids. They were all so different, and so creative. H drew daddy and him among dumplings hanging from the top. The girl sitting next to him drew a colourful dragon. The drawings are all 'kid like' and that's what I like cos you know they are really their original masterpiece.

* Disclaimer: I speak only from my experience with one particular My Art Studio outlet

Dilemma

4 Reasons To Ditch Academic Preschools | Janet Lansbury

I like the above post. It captures exactly my thoughts. H is one of those preschoolers who has a knack for letters and numbers, and has, through his own interest and initiative 'thought' himself to read, spell and do math. He's coping well academically in his current school (which is overly academic) but I just feel that what he needs is not more academic learning but nurturing his self-esteem and confidence, learning how to socialise and self-regulate, etc.

Last night, I asked H if he likes his school. He gave me an affirmative no. When probed further this was his exact answer, "We only learn learn learn and don't play, so boring!". I can really feel for him. Classes run from 8am-2pm with 2 short breaks in between. That's a really long day for a kid if all they do is academic learning, with no play time in between. "I like SA (his previous preschool), we get to play and learn, not just learn learn learn!"

If H was older, I would probably tell him that well, life is not a bed of roses so deal with it. Maybe not in such words but you get my drift. Kids should not be over-protected nor overly-pampered. But H is only 4.5 years old. I'm not sure if the lack of sleep, or the overly academic school is taking a toll on his emotional wellbeing. My sis and mom seemed to have noticed that H's temper is getting from bad to worse. He seemed to have had it under control for a while but ever since he started schooling (in his new school), he's more short fused. Simple things get him agitated and he will burst out in anger. My sis has been nagging me about my decision to send H to such an academic school whereby kids are pushed to learn so much so young, about introducing unnecessary stress to him, etc. I always just brushed her off, "Where got stress? It's not like he's struggling, he is actually coping well!"

I don't agree to push a child beyond their developmental readiness, but I also don't agree to delay a child's learning. For H, he's a fast and keen learner so he's definitely ready to learn everything that's taught in school with ease. But now taking a step back to reconsider, I guess there's really no need to introduce more academic subjects into H's life. Instead we should focus on his weaknesses. But pulling him out of school after the first semester means forfeiting the hefty deposit we paid. The only way to get back the full refund is to put in a notice of withdrawal before June and only leave at the end of the year. Hub's ok either way, "Money you can earn, but you can't buy back childhood". Sometimes he does have spurts of wisdom, hahaha.

So what should I do? Put aside all these nagging feelings and stay the course (praying that all will trun out well in the end), or do something (which may not necesarily turn out to be right)?

chores for preschoolers

While we were shopping for H's school bag over the weekend, Daddy thought it'd be a good idea to start teaching H how to save by getting him a wallet. He of course choose an Angry Bird wallet to go with his trolley bag.

H was really excited about having a wallet. I think it makes him feel like a big boy. He asked for money to put in his wallet but Daddy said not to give him any, he has to earn it.

H: Mommy can I have some money for my wallet?
Me: Nope, you have to earn it.
H: Why?
Me: Well money don't grow on trees or fall from the sky. Mommy needs to go to work to earn money, so you need to work for your money too. I'll think of something you can help out then you'll get a dollar.

But what can a 4-year old do? It can't be something so routine (and something he's expected to do anyway like making his bed) else he'll want to be paid everytime he does it. And since I couldn't think of anything, he had no chore and no money for his wallet.

The next morning when we were going out, H wanted to bring his wallet. Daddy said no, wallet stays at home since there's no money inside.

H told Daddy: Mommy's gonna give me a job and I'll get a dollar!

Opps... I better think of a chore for him soon else his enthusiasm will soon run out.

trolley bag for H

We finally got H a school bag. He's been using his small backpack which by the time we put in his pencil case, extra set of clothes, water bottle and snack box, there's no room for anything else. It's not easy choosing the right school bag. He wanted a trolley bag just like all his friends, but with the trolley, the bag itself is already quite heavy without anything in it. I'm not sure how he'll be able to carry the bag down the stairs. But then again, if we got him a backpack, it'll be too heavy for him to carry on his back when he puts in all his books. So finally, we decided a trolley bag it is.

We went to Isetan. There's quite a good collection of bags for sale there. H insisted on the Angry Bird trolley bag. We wanted to get him the medium size one, which is just right for his frame, even if he were to carrry it on his back, but he insisted on the large one. I think it's because of the design - he wanted the bag with the Space Angry Bird.

Daddy: This is too big for you. It'll be too heavy for you to carry.
H: Don't worry daddy, if it's heavy I'll pull it!
Me: Are you sure? What size bags do your friends have?
H: Same like this, some even bigger!

H's trolley bag is almost as big as him

We couldn't get him to change his mind so we got the large one. After putting in all his books, the bag is indeed heavy. I reminded Daddy to remind H when he drops him off this morning to not carry the bag but to pull the bag, even if it's to go up and down the stairs. And guess what my boy did? Daddy said he pulled his bag from where he was dropped off till the stairways, then he got one of the prefect kor-kor on duty to carry his bag down the stairs for him. I hope he doesn't think that those big kor-kors are there to help carry bags. This is actually not the first time he did so. When he was still using his small backpack, I used to put his books in a recycle bag for him to handcarry. There was one day a couple of weeks back when he took back more books than usual and the recycle bag was pretty heavy. So when I dropped him off and asked him to take the bag, he complained it was heavy but I said he needed to be strong. Then a few steps into the school, I saw him talking to a prefect kor-kor and he handed the kor-kor his bag. Then they walked off together towards his classroom.

I must ask him what he said to the kor-kors. I hope he knows how to ask nicely and says thank you after that.

swimming lessons

Despite my early 'training', H is still crying during his weekly swimming lessons. So far he's had 3 lessons. The first 2 lessons, he said he cried but he still went into the pool. I told him it's ok to cry but he has to be brave. In no time he will be able to swim like a fish and we can challenge daddy in the pool. He said ok he will.

After his third lesson, I asked him how was his swimming class.

H: I cried.
Me: Did you go into the pool?
H: No.
Me: Why not?
H: I told the teacher what you said.
Me: That it's ok to cry but you will be brave?
H: No, I said you said I cannot go into the pool cos I have running nose.

What?!!!

Me: I didn't say that! I said you have to be brave...
H: I forgot what you said... <with a cheeky grin on his face>

Man! How did my little boy learn how to twist his words? Must give him a lesson about honesty!

Learning through play

Learning through play - this is indeed so true! While observing H in his pretend play, I realised just how much he learns by simply indulging in play. These couple of days, he's been playing 'ice-cream shop' - he's the ice-cream seller and everyone else his customers. All he needed for his pretend play was his magnadoodle board (one of the most value for money toys since he's been using it over and over for all kinds of play), some blocks as ice-cream, cookies or whatever there is in his menu, and a stack of cards as money.

Unconsiously while having loads of fun, H is learning how to spell by writing out his menu board, learning math by calculating how much to charge his customers and how much change to give, and learning how to deal with his little sister who just loves disturbing him while he plays.

This is H's menu:

Jelly $1
Cookie $2
Ice cream $3

Spelling
H: Mommy how do you spell cream?
Me: Cream as in ice-cream? C-R-E-A-M

The next day
H: Mommy you don't need to tell me, I can spell ice-cream by myself

Math
H: What would you like?
Me: Triple scoop of vanilla ice-cream with rainbow sprinkles and a cookie
H: There you go!
Me: How much?
H: 3 ice-cream is $9... and a cookie $11 <I'm amazed at his speed of calculation>
Me: There you go, $15. How much change do I get?
H: <Hid in the corner and counted with his fingers> $4

Emotional intelligence
H: Mommy, L is taking away my cookies! <in all his whininess while trying to hit his sister>
Me: It's ok, she just wants to play with you
H: No, she can't play!

L loves provoking H to evoke a reaction. Perhaps it's her way to get his attention. The way to deal with her is to simple ignore her actions, or distract her with something else. After explaining this to H, I told H to include L as his assistant or give her something else to play with. There, settled! No more whining, crying and fighting.

the true meaning of unschooling

I came across this post by LearningBeyondSchooling. How timely - just what I needed to reaffirm myself that it is ok not to have a fixed schedule for H when he's out of school next year. I guess we, being parents, can never get the kiasu-ness out of us, no matter how un-kiasu we think we are. On one hand, we recognise that kids should be kids and they should be allowed to enjoy their childhood and indulge in free play. On the other hand, we're afraid that they will miss out on opportunities to acquire new skills or hone their talent if structured learning is not provided. Hence the dilemma.

Our intention for taking H out of school next year is to allow him to PLAY but along the way we unconsciously get sucked back into the 'box', i.e. needing to find classes / activities to fill H's time - tennis, swimming, music, art, mandarin, etc. and the list goes on...

I would really appreciate to hear from parents who homeschool their kids. How do you do it?

panic over H's schedule next year

Why is it so difficult to find enrichment classes for 5 year olds in the mornings? I'm now kinda afraid that H will end up in front of the TV all morning when he stops school next year. All the centres I've enquired only have classes in the afternoons or on weekends. I guess there's really no demand for weekday morning classess since most kids his age will be in school. Panic, panic, panic!!!

mental maths - yes or no?

Following my previous post about H's keen interest in maths, I have done some desktop research on the various maths programmes available around KL. I won't be reviewing any of them since I've not personally paid them a visit to find out about their programmes (hence it won't be fair to offer my opinion) but I'll share my perspectives on mental maths / maths enrichment.

There are essentially 2 types of programmes out there - those that teach kids fancy techniques to solve math equations quickly (e.g. abacus, finger counting, vedic), and those that adopt the principle that ‘practice makes perfect’ (e.g. kids are given worksheets during lessons and homework to practise on). Reading off their websites, they all have their own so call unique selling proposition and it’s really quite tempting to enrol H into one of the programmes just to make sure he doesn’t lose out. But taking a step back and my kiasu hat off (I really hate to think of myself as being a kiasu mom), I asked myself “is being able to calculate with lightning speed really necessary?”

I am for one hopeless in mental calculation but that has never hindered my ability to deliver my work efficiently. My brain is just too lazy whenever required to calculate, e.g. after meals with friends when we have to split the bill, I’ll wait for someone to tell me how much to pay or simply whip out my phone calculator. So what I’m trying to say is that it’s a nice-to-have skill but not necessarily critical. Unless of course you want to land yourself that highly coveted investment banking job. That is the only time that lightning speed calculation is required (you’re not allowed to use the calculator) to pass those quantitative tests during the interviews. But then again, normally you are still given paper and pen, so as long as you’re not a math retard you should still be able to pass. 

What is more important I feel is comprehension, critical thinking and reasoning skills. After all, we want our kids to be able to solve problems not equations. There’s really no point in knowing how to recognise symbols and solve equations quickly, but not fully understanding the concepts of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.  In the real working world, maths is not about doing sums, it’s about understanding the problem statement and knowing how to apply the right math concepts to solve the problem. Kids can be easily trained to solve equations such as 6+2=8 quickly using abacus, finger counting or other techniques, or simply through practice, practice and more practice! However, solving problems require comprehension and thinking skills. You need to know how to construct the right equations in order to calculate. If you can’t do so, there’s no point in knowing how to calculate quickly. An example of a problem statement is: Jane takes 3 hours to travel and starts off her journey at 5pm. If Jake takes an hour less to travel compared to Jane and starts off an hour later than Jane, what time will Jake arrive? By understanding the problem and applying the right math concept, you can then construct the right equation to solve for the answer 6 (o’clock) +2 (hours) =8 (o’clock).

Anyway, I’m not saying that mental maths / maths enrichment programmes are a waste of time and money. What I’m saying is that you need to know what the programmes are offering and decide whether they suit your kids and their circumstances. For us (or me at least), H does not have problems doing simple maths. He knows the basic math concepts. He loves doing maths – sometimes his workbook, sometimes by writing and solving his own equations – and always on his own initiative. So at 4 years old, I think it’s not necessary that he goes through the stress of formal maths lessons and homework. I will continue teaching him at home whenever a teaching moment arises and he should be no worse off for not attending math classes. But just to satisfy Hubs, I will still go visit some of those more well-known centres in December when I’m less busy. Who knows, maybe my perspective will change after that? We shall see…

H's first concert

We are all so proud of our little boy. He had his first concert last Saturday. He fell asleep in the late afternoon and was sleeping like a log we didn't dare to wake him when it was time to leave for the concert. So we put him in the car still sleeping. He slept all the way until we reached the concert venue. We were quite worried that he will throw a fit when he woke up, or be cranky and clingy and not wanting to participate, but nope, he was all up for performing although still dazed from his nap.

We took him to the holding room and changed him. No fuss. He also allowed me to put on light makeup on him. Again no fuss. The teacher then asked us to go to the auditorium. We were again worried that he will feel 'lost'. The holding room was in quite a chaos. Kids were eveywhere, teachers were in and out, and we only saw one of his classmates who was rather cranky and clinging tight to his mom so not a good sign. But we reluctantly left anyway, praying that he won't start crying (he was still in quite a daze). That was around 5:30pm. The concert started at 6pm, but his class will only perform at around 7.20pm so it was a long wait. In between, daddy went to check on him in the holding room just to make sure he was ok.

Finally it was time for the Mulan play.  L kept asking where is kor-kor. Then H came out on stage alone, dressed as the messenger. He walked around the stage, went to the mic and uttered his only line rather loudly, "Order from the emperor. Fa Zhou, Fa Zhou!". Fa Zhou and Mulan then appeared on stage and he handed them the scroll. The next scene was a dance depicting the fight between China and the Huns. H played one of the Hun warriors. The following scene depicted the celebration after China won the war. H was one of the dragon dancers. At the end of the concert, all the kids came onto stage and did a dance and H was dancing enthusiastically. I must say, the teachers really have a way with kids cos I'm really surprised he didn't suffer from stagefright. And why is he willing to perform on stage for the school concert and not during his weekly edudrama class? Hmmm...

Everything went well until the end of the concert when it turned chaotic again. As soon as the last dance was over, I told daddy to quickly go to the front to collect H from the stage. But there were so many people all rushing to get to the front and out, so before daddy could reach the front, we lost H. We couldn't see him anywhere and we panicked. We went outside, he wasn't there, We went backstage, he wasn't there. We went to the holding room, he wasn't there. Finally daddy found him and he was crying cos he couldn't find us. It was really disorganised and pretty dangerous cos the kids could have been taken away by strangers. Daddy then went to have a word with the principal. Least they should do is to usher all the kids back to the holding room and have the parents collect their kids there under supervision.

Well, luckily H only had good memories of the concert. We must have seen the short video daddy took of his performance more than 3 times since I downloaded it on Monday. L loves watching it, and wanted to watch it over and over again, "I want to see kor-kor dance!"

kids say the darnest things (take 4)

Last night I was a little late getting home. The first thing I did as soon as I got back was to rush H to bed
Me: H, time to go to bed. Mommy will make you your milo milk, then you have to drink quickly, go upstairs, brush your teeth and change, then I'll read you ONE book cos it's late already
H: It's your fault mommy
Me: Huh?
H: One book only so it's your fault because you are late
I established this rule earlier on the number of bedtime stories he gets based on what time he goes to bed (to stop him from dilly dallying) so he wasn't happy that he was only getting one book cos I was the one being late

Arrived early in school today so took H to the nearby mamak for breakfast
H: Mommy, the N-A-A-N B-I-A-S-A  is free <reading off the menu board on the wall>
Curious, I looked at the board. It turns out that one of the numbers fell off so it showed
Naan Biasa  .00

What should you do with your gifted kids? Errr... nothing!

We were coming out of JG after dropping H off for his weekly EduDrama class when we bumped into another mom. She stopped us and asked if we were H's parents, then started asking about what enrichment programmes H is registered in. I don't know how or why, but somehow she has the impression that H is somewhat advanced for his age and wanted to know if we did or are doing anything special with him both at home and outside home.

We acknowledge that H is smart but we've never thought of him as being gifted. He's very inquisitive, likes to learn and learns very fast. But is that really being gifted? Kids are like sponges, no? They absorb just about anything and everything they're exposed to. Anyway, this mom of H's classmate is concern that she's not doing enough to groom her son's talent. He's 4, just like H, but is already doing multiplication (he's extremely good in maths). The mom is already sending him to all sorts of enrichment programmes - mental maths, reading, etc. So the question posed to us was "what else can we do? how do you make sure that gifted kids like ours don't lose their talent?"

I guess this is typical of most Asian parents. We want the best for our kids and will do everything within our means to give them a leg-up in life. Sometimes parents get so engrossed with enriching their kids with knowledge that they forget that there are other more important aspects to life. Is it really necessary for kids to be ahead in reading and maths? These are skills that can be picked up rather quickly once the kids are developmentally ready (some earlier, some later but they all get there eventually). If the kids are interested and want to learn more, sure, don't stop them, but never push them beyond their capacity just because you think they can or they should. The worst thing a parent can do is to take the fun away from learning. Focus should always be on the process of learning, not outcome. At the end of the day, we want our kids to enjoy learning, know how to acquire knowledge and how to apply the knowledge acquired. We also want them to be critical thinkers, to be confident and be able to articulate their thoughts and ideas. Otherwise, what's the point of having all these knowledge and ideas? These are soft skills that are important and much much harder to teach than academic subjects like language and maths.

Again I digress. So what should you do with your gifted kids? Well... nothing special. The fact that they're already academically more advanced than their peers means that you must be already doing something right. Just follow their cue - they will let you know when they're ready for more. For example, just the other day H asked me what is divide (in math) while playing with blocks. I'm not sure where that came from so I explained to him the concept of divide by using his blocks. That's what I mean by following their cue. I don't send him for special math classes, nor do I tutor him at home. What I do is I teach him math concepts whenever he asks and that's how he picks up math at home. And the same goes with other subject areas like reading, general knowledge, etc. What I do want to know, however, is how do you teach those other soft skills I mentioned like confidence, EQ, etc?

Homeschooling my preschooler

I get 3 different reactions whenever I tell people I'm taking H out of preschool next year.

1. The concerned and the "are you sure" look. I guess I can't blame them cos I still have a pinch of uncertainty about this decision of ours. What if he misses out? What if he can't catch up? What if he ends up sitting in front of the TV all day? What if... ? 
2. "Wow you're homeschooling him". I wish I can say that but I'm a full time working mommy so I can't really be homeschooling him. When I get asked that, my answer would be "well not really cos I'm working" and then I'll get the first reaction, i.e. "are you sure?"
3. Extremely supportive and thinks it's a great idea. There's probably only one person in this category, who is none other than my dear sister, who's a strong proponent of play (which I totally agree) and thinks that children shouldn't be taught reading and writing until the age of 7 (which I don't quite agree) :-)  Ok there are perhaps 1-2 more who don't really count, i.e. my young colleagues who are fresh out of school with remarks such as "wow this is really cool, I wished my mom did that"

Homeschooling is quite a general term. I guess when we think of homeschools (at least I do), we think of structured lessons done at home instead of in school. Perhaps with your very own timetable for the various lessons, etc. and the curriculum of your choice. Sounds like a lot of work and commitment to me. But homeschooling in a "looser" sense is what we're already doing with our kids at home on a daily basis since birth. That was how they've learnt and is still learning, and all done through play and interactions with the people around them. I read this concept about teaching moments and I can totally relate. You can teach kids so much without actually seem to be teaching them. Here are some teaching moments with H which I like to cite as examples:

• Sports, countries and flags. It's amazing how watching the Olympics can turn out to be such a great learning opportunity. H got interested in the different sports being played and wanted to know about the rules of the games (here's a teaching moments - talking about different sports and their rules). He also wanted to know about the flags (another teaching moments - we talked about the countries and flags). And for a few weeks following the Olympics, he would invent his own games. He would be representing one country and would make me represent another. And he would draw out the flags with the initials of the countries under them on his doodleboard to be used as the scoreboard. All self initiated. During the course of play he will ask "Mommy how do you spell Russia" or "Mommy how do you draw China's flag", etc. These are all teaching moments. To H, he's simply indulging in play, but he's actually learning so much from his simple play.
• Words and spelling. H used to be crazy over the Wordworld programme on Disney Junior. After watching each episode, he'd recap the story to me enthusiastically and ask me questions relating to the story (a teaching moment). We'd then play word building games just like in the programme, sometimes he'd invent his own games, sometimes I'd suggest the games to play. For example we'd play "Dog's Letter Pit", "Frog's Rhyming Machine", etc. Again for H it's all  play but he's unknowingly also learnt how to spell.

I can cite many more examples but long story short, kids are naturally inquisitive. By latching on to their natural curiosity we can teach them so much, and they don't usually take much time nor require any special teaching materials. Most of the time, these teaching moments happen between dinner time and bedtime for me (since that's the only time I have with the kids on weekdays) and weekends of course. And you'll be surprised by how much teaching / learning you can do in such a short time.

So I guess the next time people ask me if I'll be homeschooling H, I should say YES I am!

kids say the darnest things (take 2)

Showing L the little black dress she got for her birthday
Me: Do you want to wear this pretty dress?
L: No, it's black black. So scary <L is now in her pink phase now so everything has to be pink>

I've always suspected L thinks that the word together means 2 persons together cos when she says the word it sounds like two-gather. On the way to po-po's house...
L: Mommy and me go two-gether to po-po's house. Later we take H and come back three-gather

During bedtime
H: Why does daddy always come back so late?
Me: Because he has to work
H: So that we can buy toys?