H's first day in Year 1

Today marks H's first day in Year 1. I think I'm just excited as he is. He seems to like his brand new school, being all smiley in the morning despite having to wake up at 6:30am. The school set up is definitely way better than his previous school. I especially like the classroom - very spacious and cheery, with full height windows overlooking the garden outside.

Let's hope everything works out well and that he enjoys going to school :-)

View from the canteen. H's classroom is the one on the right (ground floor)

school's out... what now?

I've officially withdrawn H from school after the fire incident in school. Yes, his school caught fire over the weekend. Luckily it happened at night and no one was hurt. Since the building is yet to be certified to be fit for operation by the fire department, the school has decided to move everyone to the Cheras campus. There's no way we're going to Cheras - too much of a logistical nightmare for us. So H is officially off school now. I hope we can get a refund on school fees for the remaining semester!

Now what am I going to do with H? He's been asking me about school.

H: Is there school tomorrow?
Me: Nope
H: Why?
Me: There was a fire in school and they have to fix the school first
H: Did it burn my classroom?
Me: Nope, not your classroom
H: Then I can go to school?
Me: Nope...
H: Why?

Yesterday after I've officially withdrawn H from school, I told him he won't be going to school for the rest of the year until he starts his new school next year. You would have thought that he would be happy to not have to go to school, but I think he was somewhat disappointed. He's actually grown to like school. Hopefully he likes his next school and the new friends he'd make just as much, if not more. But for now, I have to think of other activities to occupy him...

More about school choices

I've never considered myself someone indecisive, but when it comes to H's education, I've somehow become overly indecisive. Sometime I wonder if we should even discuss schooling options with others, cos I find that the more you discuss, the more confused you get.

I just received a notice from a waldorf-inspired preschool that they have an opening for H this coming May. Just when I have come to terms with his current school (despite some of its shortcomings, I think I've accepted the fact that there's no perfect school and that it's really not that bad), I'm now faced with another decisional point - let H continue in his current school, or take him out at the end of this semester.

Hubs is clearly more decisive than me. I guess it's also because he's not as involved in H's progress in school and the discussions I have with other parents. What he knows is mainly from what I told him, so clearly it can be a little extreme since my point of view, depending on what transpired prior to me pouring it out to him, is on either end of the scale. For example, I told Hubs I had issue with the lack of play in H's current school. Since the kids are only 5, over-emphasis on academics via classroom-based instructions will drain their enthusiasm for learning. Also, I felt that at this age, more focus should be given on the social emotional development aspects which is something H is lacking... blah blah blah... Hubs reaction was simple, "Yup agreed, we should take him out and put him in that play-based school you mentioned!"

There's really no right or wrong answer to what is best for the development of your 5-year old. I guess it really depends on the child as every child is different. H is somewhat anti-social. More than once I witnessed how he simply ignore his friends when they were striking up a conversation with him. I sometimes wonder how other kids can be so natural with socialising but my H just prefers to be on his own. For example, once I walked H to his classroom since we were early. When his friends saw him, they happily called out to him (one even started talking to him about something he did yesterday), but he just remained aloof and went about doing his own stuff. We've also been to a few birthday parties of his classmates. He would always want to go saying that he wanted to see his friends, but at the party, he would not join in the games, nor would he crowd around the birthday child (like most kids would do) when singing the birthday song and cutting the birthday cake.

Developing H's social emotional skill is hence very important to us. We've seen many bright young people who can't excel at work due to low EQ. For kids, the best way to learn how to socialise, manage conflicts, resolve problems, regulate own emotions is through interaction and playing with others. In his current school, there isn't much opportunity to do so. After much probing (you really need to ask very specific questions to get specific answers), I found out that H's school is overly rigid in enforcing 'discipline'. Yes, granted you can't have a noisy classroom during lesson time, but they should not be told to keep quiet all the time. Already there aren't play time incorporated in the daily schedule, so shouldn't kids be allowed to chit chat while queuing up to go to the canteen during break time, or in between lessons? How else will these 5-year olds (ok maybe most of them have no issue but H definitely has) learn how to interact with others?

Social and emotional development in kids

Sometimes I wonder if parents are the ones thinking or worrying too much. Here I am, barely 3 months since H entered the big school, and I'm already considering taking him out. It's not that H's school is not good, I just don't think that it suits him now (maybe if he was older I'd think differently). So anyway, I went to check out this Waldorf-inspired preschool yesterday. I know I mentioned before that while I like Waldorf's play-based philosophy (kids are free to play, imagine and create), I've never considered a Waldorf school for H since I don't quite agree that kids are not exposed to anything academic. I don't want to sound kiasu, but some kids are more than ready to learn academic subjects (in a fun way of course)! Anyway, my reason for going against my original stance is that I think H would benefit from an environment in which his social and emotional skills get developed. He doesn't really need more academic inputs. Perhaps being in an environment in which he gets to just play and interact with kids would be more beneficial for him.

Before I visited the school, I was already quite convinced that the Waldorf-inspired school is the way to go for H. But the school visit was somewhat disappointing. The teacher who showed me around didn't really understand nor address my concerns. I'm not sure if it's the language barrier. The school's supposed to be English based, but I felt this particular teacher's command of English isn't quite up to mark (perhaps the reason why she couldn't respond to my queries). So I'm torn - it has a good reputation for happy children and caring teachers. Should I ditch my lousy experience from this visit and register H anyway? I don't really want to keep changing schools, so I have to make sure that the next school H goes to is the one for him. Besides, the fees aren't cheap. I remember telling my Waldorf-trained sis (the one's who's been encouraging me to put H into the Waldorf school) once "Why need to pay so much for H to go play in school? He can just play at home!" I still think what I said is true since we don't restrict H's playtime at home. In fact, he plays all day at home. And he doesn't need toys, he's got fantastic imagination.

Last night I asked H if he had fun in school and he said yes. I then asked if he's starting to like his big school, he said no! Kids are really funny, you really have to ask the right question cos I would have assumed fun = like, but apparently not! He told me again that his current school is just learn learn learn and no play. I told him that he can learn in school and play at home, but he disagreed, "I also want to play in school!"

Well I guess H needs more than just play, he needs to have friends to play with. And this is extremely important as only through play and interaction with others would kids develop the ability to understand their own emotions, read and comprehend emotional states in others, manage strong emotions and their expression in a constructive manner, regulate one’s own behavior, develop empathy for others, and establish and maintain relationships. These are all what you can't teach in an academic setting.

I found another school today which claims to nurture well rounded kids, balancing both intellectual and emotional development in a fun manner. Sounds really promising. Will have to check it out.

Have I made the wrong school choice?

H's classmate celebrated her birthday yesterday and it was a great opportunity for the mommies to get together while the kids played. H's school is one of very few private schools with no PTA so parents don't get a chance to 'gang up' and voice our concerns.  Our topic of conversation was of course around kids and education. Everyone was asking about the March exams and wanted to know how the other mommies are approaching it. I told them frankly that I'm just going to let H sit for the exams. If he does well, good, if not, I'm not too bothered either. C'mon, the kids are only 4-5 years old. There must be better things for them to do at home (like play) than to study for exams.

The more I get to know about the school (from other parents and from my own observations), the more I have this nagging feeling that we have made the wrong choice. I can't help wishing that we had stuck to our original idea, i.e. to give H a year out. I feel so kesian that he has to wake up so early in the morning and that I have to rush him to bed every night (I know he wants to spend more time with mommy, I do too but there's no choice else he won't get sufficient sleep). I'm also beginning to wonder if he'll lose interest in learning. Too much academic work too early will definitely kill the joy of learning. Learning should be associated with fun rather than homework and exams! H used to proactively ask for worksheets (he thinks it's cool to be like the big kor kor /cheh cheh with homework to do) but these days he finds homework more a chore than something he enjoys doing for fun.

Anyway, I digressed. Back to school choices. We're almost quite certain now, after having experienced private (international) schooling that perhaps it's really just a hype. Are private schools really better? Is the international syllabus really better? Not necessarily. It all boils down to the quality of teachers and the school management (who determines the philosophy of teaching / learning the school adopts).  Unfortunately this is something difficult to assess unless you experience it first hand as some schools are just really good at marketing. So not all private schools are good, and certainly not all public schools are bad. One of the mommies I spoke to at the party admitted that she actually regretted putting her daughter (who's in Year 2) in the international stream. As with all choices, there are the pros and cons. Thankfully H is only 4+ years old so we still have time to decide whether to continue with the international stream or put him in the SJK(C) stream. Meantime, we have to decide if we should let him continue with Reception, take him out of school, or put him in a play-based kindy.

Do parents these days think too much?

Primary school online registration

Just completed the online registration for H's entry into a chinese primary school, easy peasy... in case you can't find the link on the MOE webpage (took me some time to look for the link), this is it http://apps.moe.gov.my/esppsel/

Now I'll have to go bug our tenant for the latest utility bills so that I can complete the registration process. I wonder if I should take H to the school when I hand in the documents. He did ask if he was going to the same big school as C cheh cheh (his cousin) when he's a big boy :-)

Registration process for public primary school

For first time parents wanting to register their child in a public primary school, this is what you need to do (for those wanting to register in a Selangor school):

1. Go to the Jabatan Negeri Selangor website and click on Pendaftaran Murid Tahun 1. Registration starts 1 March 2013 (for kids born in the year 2008 and 2009). You can only register your kids 2 years before the start of their academic session, i.e. this year's registration is for kids entering school in 2014 or 2015.
2. Print out the completed online form
3. Go to your school of choice within 14 days of online registration to hand in the printed form and supporting documents.

Documents required:

• Child's birth certificate (original and copy)
• Copy of eletricity and water bills (Jan 2013)
• Copy of parents' Marriage Certificate
• Copy of parents' Identify Cards
• RM1 processing fee

Registration is open from 1 March 2013 to 30 April 2013.

Hope this helps. We'll be registering H in a public chinese primary school since we've not really decided if we'd keep him in his current international school.

What's with homework and colouring

I'm not sure if it's the norm with schools these days, but H seems to be getting more and more homework. Not that he's complaining, but mommy is since I have to make sure he finishes his homework. H actually likes doing homework. He can be quite fast when he's in the mood, but he's also easily distracted and can take ages if it's something he's not interested in, e.g. colouring.

This week's homework

I simply can't understand the rationale for making the kids do so much colouring. Every subject, whether it's English, Math, Mandarin, etc, seems to require the kids to colour. Shouldn't colouring be reserved for Art classes? It'll make completing the homework so much faster if the kids don't have to colour in the pictures.

H really doesn't take much pride his work. The first few pictures he'll try to colour within the lines using different colours, then it becomes single colour still somewhat within the lines, then towards the end of the page it's just messy scribbles of colour.

I'm actually not too bothered about his colouring skills but I guess I have to teach him about taking pride in his work.

fierce teachers

H is such a sensitive little boy. Last night after putting him in bed he said he wanted to chit chat. I must make it a point to have chats with H. There isn't enough time to do so cos most days by the time I get home, I probably only have about an hour with the kids before I have to get them ready for bed. That one hour would be spent playing, reading, etc. It was good that I had a gathering with my old schoolmates last Friday who reminded me that young kids like H also need an emotional outlet cos we'd never know what is happening in school unless we talk to them about it. Normally I'd just say, "No more talking, go to sleep!", but last night I was happy I had a chat with H.

Me: So how was your first day back in school?
H: Very good... <he was smiling but I sensed some hesitation>

Then he said he didn't want to go to the school anymore cos the teachers scolded. I had to probe and question to find out exactly what happened. Sometimes it's hard to understand H cos he has difficulty articulating what he wants to say. Long story short, there are a few teachers who according to him are fierce and like to scare children. I asked if they scolded him he said no, but they scolded his friends. After much probing, I found out H's definition of scolding isn't really scolding. For example, the teacher will tell his friend who's day dreaming "You're day dreaming, E!". To him, since the teacher said it in a loud voice, that is scolding. I asked if the teachers punished, he said no. I asked if the teachers scolded if they ask questions or don't know how to do something, he said no. Whew!! So I guess H is just being overly sensitive. I then told him it's ok, the teachers aren't really scolding, they just wanted the children to pay attention and learn.

Then H told me his class teachers said he is lousy at colouring. I was initially aghast. How can the teachers pass derogatory remarks like that? Surely that will affect the child's self-esteem. I was thinking to myself that if that's true I'll need to have a word with the teachers. But before I started probing, H corrected himself, "no they didn't say lousy they said I was slow at colouring". I asked if the teacher told him that, he said no, he overheard the teachers saying that.

When I told Hubs about what H told me about his teachers, he said, "Good, that will toughen him up." I believe it's important for parents to not overprotect their kids and allow them to learn how to deal with tough situations, but we have to also take care of their emotional wellbeing (especially for a sensitive child like H). So it's really a fine balance and it's not always easy to know where to draw the line.   

L in school

I write a lot about H in school but not about L cos she doesn't give us any cause for concern. This year, L is attending mandarin preschool twice a week, and another 2 days at her yiyi's school. Her mandarin enrichment teacher is now taking the preschool class so we thought it'd be good for her to stay with the same teacher, hence the transfer. I must say I appreciate the flexibility given by the mandarin centre to allow her to attend only twice a week.

After her first mandarin preschool session, the principal called me. She said L was really good, very independent. It was her first unaccompanied class at the centre and she blended right in with the other children. Not only did she not cry or look for her nanny, she participated actively in all the activities. Mommy's good little girl!

We always knew that L is an independent child. She loves going to school, she loves participating in activities and she wants to do everything on her own. She can also be very bossy. Since her nanny still accompanies her to yiyi's school, I sometimes get feedback from her on L in school. Apparently my bossy little girl will not allow her nanny to join her and the other kids during circle time. "Aunty cannot sing, only I can sing!" She wouldn't even allow her nanny to sit with them "You go sit there!" pointing to some faraway corner.

But Nanny is always full of praises for L. She claims that L is the smartest, the most independent, the most outspoken in class, etc. but of course Nanny can be biased. It's all good if she's everything that Nanny claims she is, but one thing for sure, my little girl do need some lessons on good manners.

Communicating with your child's school

I believe it is extremely important for 2-way communications, between parents and teachers and vice versa. I must admit, however, that I'm not very good at doing so since we're pretty much 'outsourcers'. We've never really spoken to H's previous teachers in his preschool apart from the bi-annual progress report day (ok maybe another 1-2 times in addition over the course of one year). His previous preschool was extremely good at keeping parents informed about the kids, i.e. what they did in school, etc. So where am I heading?

In the last week or so since the start of H's new school, I find that parents-teachers communication is somewhat lacking. Although I'm not one for micromanaging, I must say I feel a little out of touch with the school. This is despite the fact that they have this changgih virtual learning environment in which all parents can log in to find out about everything related to the school and their children (but I find it more a public announcement platform than anything else for now).

Here are my big and not so big grouses:

1. We've not been introduced to his teachers. I mean I know who his class teachers are (there are 2 dedicated class teachers for each reception class), but I have no clue who his other subject teachers are. In H's previous preschool, we were introduced to all the teachers taking his class by means of a short introduction in the welcome letter.
2. We have no clue what the kids are being fed. In most preschools (or the better ones at least), parents are given a weekly menu so that we can be assured that the kids are fed wholesome food. I wasn't too bothered about getting the menu until I found out from H that they are given syrup as drinks and some purple jelly as dessert. This is really not acceptable since we're paying good money. The least the school can do is to ensure the kids get properly fed.
3. We're not kept informed about what the kids are doing in (and outside) class. In H's previous preschool, we get a weekly update on the kids' activities. It is not that I really read them, but it's good to know that the teachers did do their work. Also helps parents to communicate with their child cos with H, whenever we ask him what he did in school, his answer is a definite I don't know. 

As much as I dislike to micromanage, I wrote a nice email to the school to raise my concerns about the school food. The principal called me back almost immediately to assure me that they do take the food matters seriously and will monitor what is being served. Apparently the canteen operator is new and they are still observing him. According to her, the approved menu has no sugary drinks, only milk and juices. It's good that the school take on feedback positively, but I shall still monitor on the side.

First week of school

I must say mommy's really proud. H settled in rather well, and he seems happy going to school. Here's an account of how the week went.

Monday 31/1: This was Orientation Day. The kids were asked to go to school in their uniform and they had to bring along all their books (for safekeeping in the classroom). There was no lesson, the session was meant to introduce the kids to their class, teachers and friends, as well as to familiarise them to the school environment, i.e. where the toilets are located, the canteen, etc. I felt that the session was rather badly conducted (i.e. not very organised), in fact, I think H's previous preschool did a better job at running orientation. We also left feeling a wee bit concern over H's class teachers. But perhaps it was too early to judge, so we shall give it some time. H did cry a little during the orientation, and stuck to me during the morning tea break. So I had to give him lots of pep talk. Towards the end of the session, he was ok but I continued to pep talk him even into the next day.

Tuesday 1/1: Holiday, yay!!

Wednesday 2/1: First day of school. H was pretty good. I took him to class, he took out his stuff, put them into his desk drawer, placed his bag in the allocated area in the room, and took his seat (he already knows the routine). He also gave the teacher a hug. Since we were early I took him to the canteen for breakfast. Then came the poo-poo incident which reminded me I have to toilet train him. When we got back to class, I gave him a hug and told him mommy has to go to work. He said ok, and went into the class and took his seat without any fuss. Good boy!

Thursday 2/1: Second day of school. Again we were early so I took H to the canteen for breakfast. After that, I took him back to his class and said goodbye. Met a few other moms in the next class and we stood outside talking. When I was on my way out, I looked into H's class and noticed that they have rearranged the seating arrangement. H was seating all by himself. I thought to myself, this is no good since H is a shy kid and I was afraid that if he sits on his own, he may not make friends as quickly or easily. Must have a word with the teacher the next morning (since the class has already started I did not want to interrupt). So being a kiasu mom, I listed down all the things I wanted to discuss with the teacher... haha. Tomorrow is the last day parents are allowed in the school grounds so I'd better make sure I make full use of it. Hey, have to make sure we get our money worth right, since we're paying such hefty fees :-p

I wanted to know how H was in class, i.e. is he participating? Is he eating during the breakfast and lunch breaks? Is he socialising with the other kids? etc. etc. I also wanted to highlight to the teachers what we felt were important, e.g. to encourage him to participate and speak up, to help build his confidence, etc., as well as to highlight to them what H's strengths and weaknesses, etc. so they can understand and deal with him appropriately.

Friday 3/1: Today we left a little later so we were not quite as early (so no breakfast in the school canteen). H went about his usual routine of 'setting himself up' while I spoke to the class teacher. I was glad to hear that H does participate in class, and he's interacting with his classmates. And I was wrong, H is not sitting alone, he's seated with another boy Eugene who's a very active and talkative little boy. Good! That will help H get out of his shy shell. Sometimes all it takes is a little 'motivation' from someone else. The teacher also commented that they do notice that H is a very smart boy, but shy.

Saturday 4/1:  Crash course on toilet training (since I didn't manage to do it on Thurs and Fri) and swimming. Luckily Friday's swimming lesson was postponed, will only start this coming Friday so I had time to get H's fear of the big pool out of him. Took H and L to the pool. L as usual refused to go into the baby pool while H refused to get into the big pool. After some coercion, he finally came to the big pool. I must say this is indeed a really big step for him to finally agreed to go into the big pool. He was grabbing on to me so tightly there was no way I could teach him how to use his hands and legs to paddle and kick. The saving grace was the ring floatie we got. Half way through the session, we remembered we bought a ring floatie and told kakak to go get it. H initially refused to use it, still holding on to be really tightly, so we gave it to L. She was a natural. H saw her swimming so effortlessly with the floatie that he decided he also wanted to try. And that was it, he finally let go and was really happy that he didn't need us to hold him.  He was proud to be able to swim on his own, and we were happy that at least he's gotten the fear of the big pool out of him.

Sunday 5/1: I registered H in a Sunday school - Dhamma for Kids. Classes are held every alternate Sundays (twice a month). I thought it would be good for him to start learning about Buddhism or at least learn about good behaviour and values. It'll also be good for him to learn how to be more independent and confident. So how was the first class? The class was really good, but H, sigh, very disappointing. He refused to participate! Must pep talk him again. That evening, H wanted to go swimming again in the big pool. At least one of my crash courses worked, the toilet training bit still need some work :-)

toilet training masterclass

I'm not referring to toilet trainning L although it's about time she gets toilet trained. This is about toilet training H. Now that he's in a big school, I doubt the teachers help kids clean up after they use the loo the way they do in kindy. Small business he's fine as long as he can pull down his pants, but when it comes to big business I doubt H knows how to clean himself.

This morning we arrived early in school again so I sat down with H to have breakfast in the canteen. Great mommy-son bonding to have breakfast together. Anyway, right after breakfast when it was almost time to go back to the classroom, H said Mommy I want to poo poo. Gosh! I knew I had to teach him how to go poo poo on his own but have been procrastinating since he usually does it in the evening or at night. But thank god his urge came when I was still around so I took him to the toilet. Problem is the school does not have dedicated toilets for the reception kids. The boys toilet is for all boys, young and old. Oops, no choice, mommy had to go in. Luckily there weren't any other boys in the toilet else it'd be embarassing for everyone.

I must remind myself to teach him how to wipe his a** tonight. It'll be a toilet training masterclass!

International school search (part 2)

While attending a birthday party yesterday, we were told that Sri KDU has recently introduced its international primary school. We were really excited. We went to its Open Day a while back (for the private school - national curriculum) and were rather impressed. In fact, hubs wanted to register H there and then but I stopped him cos it was way to early to make a decision on H's education. That must have been 2 years back. After that, we've kind of decided to put him in a chinese school (thank god we did not pay the registration fee) until a week or so back.

So we had to go check the school out today. For similar fees, Sri KDU definitely has better facilities. We had rather high expectations when we went to the school, but was rather disappointed. No doubt the facilities are top notched, but somehow we did not get the same assurance we got from the other school, i.e. we're not too convinced about the academic side of things and the teachers' quality. Perhaps it's to do with the marketing lady we spoke to, who does not seem to know much (yes, they don't have an admission department, only a marketing department). Perhaps it's also to do with it being very new (only started in Sept 2012 with 3 classes - Year 1, Year 2/3 combined, Year 4/5 combined).

I guess our choice of school is clear then.

Our search begins...

Today we visited the school we're planning to send H to. It's not like we have many choices, since there are only a handful of schools befitting our criteria. Our requirements are quite simple, really :p

1. Location - must be conveniently located, i.e. either near our house or near our workplace. We're not about to sit through rush hour traffic in the morning just to get H to school. I'm already dreading the ungodly hour we have to get up. Waking H up will also be a problem
2. Compulsory Mandarin subject - we still want H to learn Mandarin. He may not end up to be as proficient as those kids attending chinese schools, but I guess knowing the basics is better than knowing none
3. Emphasis on Asian values - while we want H to be exposed to an international curriculum and the 'international' way of teaching/learning, we still want him to be grounded in the Asian values, e.g. having discipline, respect for others, etc.

So back to the school. We're pretty happy with what we've learnt, we felt that the school provides a good balance between being international yet somewhat still rooted in the local values. Teachers are a mixed of locals and expatriates. We were assured that they do not compromise on teacher quality, we were also assured that there's no drilling - we want our kids to be active learners and not just memorise, memorise, memorise! We looked at the books and the curriculum seems interesting (way more interesting than what we used to learn in school). Although there is a strong focus on the academic-side, there is equal emphasis on the non-academic side (whew!).

However, the school building is rather old and the facilities aren't as swanky as some of the other international schools. They should really do something about this, but I guess they're good enough for reception/primary years so we aren't too fuss at the moment.

Now I have to prep H for the admission assessment next week. Since parents are not allowed to be in the room with the kid, I'm not sure how he will take it. He may start crying and decide he doesn't want to do the assessment. Stress... stresss... stress... I'm still not sure how to prep him.

Flip flopping decision on H's education

Sometimes I think we parents think too much. I wonder if our parents ever put that much thought into which school to send us to when we were younger. I think my dad's decision was based solely on convenience, i.e. the closest school to home.

Once again we find ourselves debating on which school to send H to. I thought we had it all figured and concluded that H will go to a public chinese school for his primary years. But this subject is now open again...

Public chinese school was a clear option when we weighed all the pros and cons earlier. Granted there are all these horror stories about chinese school teachers, crazy workload, etc. but we wanted H to learn mandarin and are prepared to supplement his school time with outside activities to ensure that his creativity and command of English do not slip. Besides, we figured that kids should learn how to take hardship, life is not always rosy and they should not be over-protected. We do not want out kids to turn out to be brats with the sense of entitlement.

But our observation of H is getting us worried. H is just too passive or reserved. It takes a whole lot of cajolling before he would speak up or participate. He's afraid to bend rules, make mistakes and be judged. Simply put, he lacks assertiveness. And this is a problem. No matter how good you are academically, you will not fare well in life if you lack assertiveness. Although we've known this about H all along, we thought we could help him boost his confidence by enrolling him in drama and sports classes, but so far we've not seen much improvement. The trigger point was when I asked him about school a few nights back and he just kept quiet. I had to probe, probe and probe (in a nice and playful manner) before he divulge about his friends. I'm not even sure why he can't or won't talk about what he does in school, about his teachers and his friends, etc. He's only 4+ now and he can't talk to his mommy. I can't even bear to imagine what it will be like when he's a teenager. Will he then shut us out of his life? Is H afraid that he will say something inappropriate and that we will judge him? We've never judged him or belittled him before, ever, so how can this be so? All these unanswered questions are bugging me. So I talked to Hubs and we think that perhaps H, with his personality, is not suited for the chinese school environment as it will only reinforce his passiveness. We're still not sure if a private or international school will do him good but at least he'll be forced to speak up and express himself (hopefully). And with the many years of training he should be able to change.

Meantime, I've bought this book "Cool, Calm, Confident : A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Assertiveness Skills" so that I can start teaching H how to be assertive. Can't wait for the book to arrive, this will be our new bedtime story!

Evaluation of international schools

I must thank the many mommy bloggers out there for helping make my research on school options that much easier. These days there is just so much info out there in cyber space. After synthesising what I've read from other parents in blogs and forums relating to primary education and schools (mostly their views and first hand experience), my conclusion is that unless you want to spend more than RM3,000 a month on tuition fees (mind you the fees go up as you move up each academic year) in an established 'real' international school, don't bother!

By 'real' I mean:

1. International schools that are run by real educationists, not some developers trying to make their properties sell better
2. International schools that hire qualified and exprienced teachers, not just some expat interns claiming to be teachers
3. International shcools that have strong track record. Many private schools have recently been converted to international schools to satisfy the demand for international curriculum. However the same teaching staff are retained - overnight they have to change from delivering the national syllabus which they've been trained to, to delivering the new interntaional syllabus  

Since hubs' criteria is also for the school to be near our house (we just can't bear the thought of having to sit through the morning rush hour traffic to send the kids to school, not to mention that our poor kids will have to wake up extra early in the morning just to beat the traffic), we essentially are down to 2 schools that meet the above criteria. Unfortunately both these schools are way off our budget.

So I guess it's back to the drawing board. H will probably be going to a chinese primary school. We just need to make sure that we supplement H with the right out-of-school activities to counter the negative effects of a chinese school education. I shall talk about this another time. Next assignment - find out what people are saying about the chinese primary schools I have in mind, and pay the schools a visit :-)

School choices - chinese or international school?

Everytime parents sit together the topic of education will most certainly pop up. We thought we had it all sussed out after many many hours of debate - we will send our kids to a chinese primary school and switch them to an international school after that. Hubs is convinced, I am convinced and we are pretty happy with our decision until...

I guess the topic will never be closed until H finally enters primary school. Hubs came back one night (last week) from a client dinner and guess what, they were talking about children and schools. So the topic got brought up again on whether our decision is right. I mean we still have time to decide, albeit not much since H is already 4 this year. If we were to send him to an international school, we'd better start researching now as he will have to enter Year 1 in September next year. After much debate we decided to stick to our original plan.

Then today a friend of mine called to have a casual chat. Again the topic of children education came up. I told her our plan of sending H to a chinese school. She spent the next half an hour convincing me otherwise. Since she has a son who's been through both systems and many more other friends with similar experiences, I thought I'd hear her out. So when I had lunch with hubs just now, we again talked about school choices for our kids.

Isn't this telling of the desirabilty of Malaysia's education system?!! It really irks me as a tax payer. We pay so much taxes yet we can't rely on the govt to provide good schools. So my task now is to search out good international schools with strong emphasis on mandarin. Not sure if such schools exist in KL. Hubs says preferably close to home too... really asking for too much! :-)

Developing confidence and self-esteem

Following from my earlier post about my suspicion of H being bullied, I made a call to the school. It turns out that I was being paranoid after all. Well a mom can't be faulted for being over protective of her kids right?!! Anyway, I asked the principal about H and how he is like in school, and whether he has any friends.

I always knew that H is somewhat shy, and I really wanted to know if he participates in school and that he enjoys school. H is always so cheery and chatty at home and I wonder if he is the same in school. I mean, he doesn't resist going to school except for that one morning recently and maybe another 1-2 times in between since he started school in Jan this year. But whenever I asked him about school, about what he did in school, he will say he doesn't know. If I rephrased and asked if he enjoyed his day in school, he will say yes but no more than that. I just can't get him to elaborate. It's not like he doesn't know how to talk. Even his 2 year-old lil sis can tell me what she did in nursery.

So this is what I learnt from H's Teacher J. H is really good in class - he participates, he speaks up and he even helps his friends in their work. This is because he is ahead of his classmates academically and so he is confident of his ability. However, outside the classroom he tends to be more reserved. Teacher J says H is afraid to make mistakes and he seeks approval. For example, while waiting to be picked up, most kids will just play freely in the school compound. H will not do so unless the teacher urges him to go ahead. It's as though he's afraid that he will be doing something 'wrong'. I'm not sure if this is simply about following rules. I read somewhere recently that 4-year olds adore rules - in fact this can sometimes border on the obsessive. I hope this is just a phase. I can't have H shy away whenever he's faced with uncertainty or challenge. He needs to learn that it's ok to make mistakes and that he will learn from these mistakes and that mummy and daddy will always be there for him and that we will always love him no matter what.

So once again, momster me will have to come up with bedtime stories to reinforce these important life lessons. I find that stories are a great way to impart life lessons since kids love stories. Thinking up stories do require some creativity though - they cannot be too direct else the kid will know that you're referring to him/her. Hence they need to be cleverly disguised as an interesting story - a story they can relate to and sympathise with. After the story, we'll then discuss about what the little boy/girl/animal did, what else could he/she/it have done, etc. I will share some of these stories another time...

Is my pre-schooler being bullied?

I haven't been able to concentrate the whole day. Is my baby boy being bullied in school? H woke up this morning telling me that he didn't want to go to school. Hubs and I were just discussing the night before about maybe taking H out of school for a year since he didn't want H to "burn out". I'm not sure what he meant by being burnt out since kids are just meant to play in preschool. Anyway, I didn't really want to argue so we left it at that, i.e. to be further discussed... haha. So, back to my earlier point, when H told me that he didn't want to go to school I wanted to know why. It took quite some persuading before he told me that he didn't want to go to school because his friends didn't want to play with him.

H, unlike his toughie little sis, is rather sensitive. He gets upset easily. I also noticed that he doesn't quite play with other kids. I mean, he loves playing with his cousins, and even my neighbour's older son, but with other kids.. hmmmm... he doesn't immediatly gravitate towards them. Then I remembered asking him about his friends in school a few nights back and he told me that there's this boy in class (let's call him N) who's mad at him. He claimed that N gives him the stare when he gets into class every morning. I didn't think much of it then and suggested that he asked N why he is mad. So everything sort of fell together with this morning's episode, and it suddenly dawned on me - what if H is being bullied in school? I need to prepare him on how to face/handle bullies!

So it being first thing in the morning (I didn't have time to google for parenting advice and I needed to get him ready for school), I made up some scenarios and play acted how he can react in an amusing way. I figured if I made it funny (he started giggling non-stop) then he won't be afraid or upset when put in such circumstances. Instead, at least I hope, he will be able to imitate what I did and avert the situation without aggression.

Perhaps I'm just being paranoid and this whole episode is nothing more than a typical playgound squabble. Well... better be overly prepared than be sorry I'd say. No one messes with the Momster's kids! :p

Picture courtesy of Childcare Education Institute