H's whininess is driving me nuts

H has been behaving really well for the longest time and I thought he's finally graduated into being a big boy until recently. I'm not sure why, but for the past few weeks he's suddenly become all whiny again and it's driving me nuts! My patience has run out and last night, I just couldn't help it and gave him a hard long lecture while getting him ready for bed. And since I wasn't in my nicest mode, I must have been a little rough with him (I was yanking his T-shirt over his head and as the collar opening was a little small it got stuck). Suddenly he burst out crying "mommy you hurt me".  I'm sure it didn't really hurt, he was just taken aback over me scolding him. Without thinking (which I regretted immediately) I snapped back at him, "mommy can't be nice if you keep making mommy upset".  I then had to recollect myself, apologised to him and continued giving him the lecture in a nice and gentle manner.

Being a mom is a real test of patience. I have to remind myself to always keep calm which is not always easy to do. How else can you teach your kids to speak nicely if all they ever hear is you yelling at them? How can you build positive self-esteem in your kids if all they ever hear is you telling them they aren't good enough? I try to be as mindful as I can when choosnig the words I use with my kids but sometimes it's easier said than done.

What should you do with your gifted kids? Errr... nothing!

We were coming out of JG after dropping H off for his weekly EduDrama class when we bumped into another mom. She stopped us and asked if we were H's parents, then started asking about what enrichment programmes H is registered in. I don't know how or why, but somehow she has the impression that H is somewhat advanced for his age and wanted to know if we did or are doing anything special with him both at home and outside home.

We acknowledge that H is smart but we've never thought of him as being gifted. He's very inquisitive, likes to learn and learns very fast. But is that really being gifted? Kids are like sponges, no? They absorb just about anything and everything they're exposed to. Anyway, this mom of H's classmate is concern that she's not doing enough to groom her son's talent. He's 4, just like H, but is already doing multiplication (he's extremely good in maths). The mom is already sending him to all sorts of enrichment programmes - mental maths, reading, etc. So the question posed to us was "what else can we do? how do you make sure that gifted kids like ours don't lose their talent?"

I guess this is typical of most Asian parents. We want the best for our kids and will do everything within our means to give them a leg-up in life. Sometimes parents get so engrossed with enriching their kids with knowledge that they forget that there are other more important aspects to life. Is it really necessary for kids to be ahead in reading and maths? These are skills that can be picked up rather quickly once the kids are developmentally ready (some earlier, some later but they all get there eventually). If the kids are interested and want to learn more, sure, don't stop them, but never push them beyond their capacity just because you think they can or they should. The worst thing a parent can do is to take the fun away from learning. Focus should always be on the process of learning, not outcome. At the end of the day, we want our kids to enjoy learning, know how to acquire knowledge and how to apply the knowledge acquired. We also want them to be critical thinkers, to be confident and be able to articulate their thoughts and ideas. Otherwise, what's the point of having all these knowledge and ideas? These are soft skills that are important and much much harder to teach than academic subjects like language and maths.

Again I digress. So what should you do with your gifted kids? Well... nothing special. The fact that they're already academically more advanced than their peers means that you must be already doing something right. Just follow their cue - they will let you know when they're ready for more. For example, just the other day H asked me what is divide (in math) while playing with blocks. I'm not sure where that came from so I explained to him the concept of divide by using his blocks. That's what I mean by following their cue. I don't send him for special math classes, nor do I tutor him at home. What I do is I teach him math concepts whenever he asks and that's how he picks up math at home. And the same goes with other subject areas like reading, general knowledge, etc. What I do want to know, however, is how do you teach those other soft skills I mentioned like confidence, EQ, etc?

kids say the darnest things (take 3)

On the way to po-po's house, the kiddie CD was playing in my car
L: I don't want this, I want Gangnam Style

L got a balloon in her party pack
Me: Do you want me to blow the balloon for you?
L: Yes
Me: Big or small?
L: <Thought for a while> Small
Me: Small? Not Big?
L: Small won't burst, big will burst

After showering and changing L into her PJs
Me: Now you smell nice...
L: Later you ask daddy if mei mei is pretty ok?

I was lying next to L and hugging her jum-jum (bolster).
L: <Snatching it back> It's mine
Me: <Pretending to be sad> Then mommy doesn't have a jum-jum
L: Maybe kor-kor can share with you
Me: Kor-kor share you won't share?
L: My jum-jum is smelly

School Holiday Activities: Outdoor Pursuit

I 'stole' the October issue of goingplaces on my flight back from Penang. It's the perfect family issue featuring back-to-nature organic farm visits around Malaysia and picnic spots around the Klang Valley. Just perfect for the upcoming year end school holidays. I always believe that kids should spend more time outdoors rather than at home in front of the TV or iPad. Very unhealthy! Here's the list of places featured so that you can plan out your kids' holiday activities too :-)

Home on the Grange

1. Kahang Organic Rice Eco Farm (Koref). Located in the small town of Kahang in Johor, it is the only organic rice farm in Malaysia and houses a small resort. Activities include helping to plant rice seedlings or harvest the crop (depending on season), bamboo rod fishing, swimming in the creek, bamboo rafting, camping, feeding the cows, etc.
2. Titi Eco Farm Resort. Located in Negeri Sembilan, it is a commercial organic farm, also produces organic food products such as enzyme drinks, sesame sprout powder and fruit jams in an on-site factory. Activities include bread making, foot fumigation bath, educational tour to learn about healing herbs, ostrich and rabbit farms, etc.
3. Permaculture Perak. Located in Lenggong Valley in Perak, it is a set up by a husband and wife team to lead a self-sustaining life - farming, planting, breeding and rearing everything they need. Activities include helping out around the farm like watering and fertilising the plants and trees, feeding the animals and relaxing in the pool in the creek.  

 Let's Picnic

1. Forest Research Institute Malaysia (FRIM). Located near the township of Kepong, FRIM oversees Malaysia's largest secondary forest. Activities include nature trails, bike rides, canopy walk and camping. There's a picnic area near Sungai Kroh with a few shelters and restrooms, as well as a hidden waterfall a short walk into the jungle across the main road.
2. KLCC Park. Needless to say it's located in KLCC. There's a children's playground and paddling pool free to all.
3. Kanching Recreational Forest. About 30 to 45-minute drive from KL (head towards Rawang), the park is on your right 1km after Templer Country Club. There are cascading waterfalls with clear pools and bouldered streams at the second and third levels (most popular spots). Picnic gazebos, changing rooms and toilets are available. Weekends can be very crowded.
4. Taman Botani Perdana (or more commonly known as Lake Gardens). Well manicured lawns and beautiful gardens. There's also a children's playground and boats for rowing on the man-made lake. Gazebos and picnic tables are available.    
5. Sungai Sendat Waterfall. 30-minute drive from Batu Caves (follow the raod to Ulu Yam). There's a three tier waterfall cascading among the lush greenery of the Sungai Sendat Recreational Forest. Can have strong undercurrents so swimming should only be done at the bottom level. Toilets and changing areas available.
6. Commonwealth Forest Park. Located in the vicinity of the Kanching Recreational Forest. There is a small stream surrounded by big, shady tropical trees. If you prefer nice landscaped gardens, go further uphill to a secluded valley where the original Commonwealth grounds are found. Activities include horse riding, mountain biking and jungle trekking.
7. Sungai Pisang. Located on the 12th mile, Jalan Gombak. This is for the more adventurous as you need to hike for an hour along a jungle trail to reach the waterfall.

We've personally not checked out any of the above places so cannot really give comments. For a start, we will definitely make day trips to the not so challenging places, i.e. FRIM, KLCC Park and Lake Gardens,  this coming school holidays :-)

Homeschooling my preschooler

I get 3 different reactions whenever I tell people I'm taking H out of preschool next year.

1. The concerned and the "are you sure" look. I guess I can't blame them cos I still have a pinch of uncertainty about this decision of ours. What if he misses out? What if he can't catch up? What if he ends up sitting in front of the TV all day? What if... ? 
2. "Wow you're homeschooling him". I wish I can say that but I'm a full time working mommy so I can't really be homeschooling him. When I get asked that, my answer would be "well not really cos I'm working" and then I'll get the first reaction, i.e. "are you sure?"
3. Extremely supportive and thinks it's a great idea. There's probably only one person in this category, who is none other than my dear sister, who's a strong proponent of play (which I totally agree) and thinks that children shouldn't be taught reading and writing until the age of 7 (which I don't quite agree) :-)  Ok there are perhaps 1-2 more who don't really count, i.e. my young colleagues who are fresh out of school with remarks such as "wow this is really cool, I wished my mom did that"

Homeschooling is quite a general term. I guess when we think of homeschools (at least I do), we think of structured lessons done at home instead of in school. Perhaps with your very own timetable for the various lessons, etc. and the curriculum of your choice. Sounds like a lot of work and commitment to me. But homeschooling in a "looser" sense is what we're already doing with our kids at home on a daily basis since birth. That was how they've learnt and is still learning, and all done through play and interactions with the people around them. I read this concept about teaching moments and I can totally relate. You can teach kids so much without actually seem to be teaching them. Here are some teaching moments with H which I like to cite as examples:

• Sports, countries and flags. It's amazing how watching the Olympics can turn out to be such a great learning opportunity. H got interested in the different sports being played and wanted to know about the rules of the games (here's a teaching moments - talking about different sports and their rules). He also wanted to know about the flags (another teaching moments - we talked about the countries and flags). And for a few weeks following the Olympics, he would invent his own games. He would be representing one country and would make me represent another. And he would draw out the flags with the initials of the countries under them on his doodleboard to be used as the scoreboard. All self initiated. During the course of play he will ask "Mommy how do you spell Russia" or "Mommy how do you draw China's flag", etc. These are all teaching moments. To H, he's simply indulging in play, but he's actually learning so much from his simple play.
• Words and spelling. H used to be crazy over the Wordworld programme on Disney Junior. After watching each episode, he'd recap the story to me enthusiastically and ask me questions relating to the story (a teaching moment). We'd then play word building games just like in the programme, sometimes he'd invent his own games, sometimes I'd suggest the games to play. For example we'd play "Dog's Letter Pit", "Frog's Rhyming Machine", etc. Again for H it's all  play but he's unknowingly also learnt how to spell.

I can cite many more examples but long story short, kids are naturally inquisitive. By latching on to their natural curiosity we can teach them so much, and they don't usually take much time nor require any special teaching materials. Most of the time, these teaching moments happen between dinner time and bedtime for me (since that's the only time I have with the kids on weekdays) and weekends of course. And you'll be surprised by how much teaching / learning you can do in such a short time.

So I guess the next time people ask me if I'll be homeschooling H, I should say YES I am!